It’s finally safe to go back to the shore. The boardwalk is clear of the likes of Snooki, the Situation, JWoww, and all the rest of the gang.
“The Jersey Shore” has been retired by MTV.
No longer will there be drunken melt-downs and brawls in the bars on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights. We can all heave a giant sigh of relief. Guidos and guidettes no longer need apply. The reign is over.
But as the sun sets on the shore house with the duck-phone (I really fancied that) and hot tub faster than Snooki’s and Paulie D’s spray-on tans fade away, there are some good things to reflect upon.
To begin with, we are all better for learning the new phrases that the gang introduced. I, for one, will never look at a container of Juicy Juice without thinking of Snooki taking home a “juice-head” for the night. The vision of her canoodling with a muscle-bound, tanned guido in a messy twin bed will forever burn brightly in my memory. Nor will “taking a grenade” have the same meaning for me. Where once I envisioned a brave soldier saving his fellow platoon members, I now view Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino taking home the unattractive girl so that his friend can have the good-looking one. What a guy. Lest we forget smush (to have sex with a juice-head) nor creep-in’ (use guido power to hit on a woman).
But there was more to the gang than bacchanalian revelry and adding to our vocabulary, yes, they did good, too. They put Seaside Heights on the map, brought tons of money to the community, and raised the ratings for MTV higher than Deena Nicole Cortese on vino in Italy on a Saturday night, (Season 4). Yes, the gang made lots and lots of money. Not only for the network but for themselves as well.
Snooki and JWoww wound up with their own spin off, which has been renewed for a second season, Pauly D has achieved fame as a DJ and the Situation (who is worth about $5 million) has been in and out of rehab, so you know he’s headed for fame in bigger and better TV reality shows (see “Big Brother” in England for starters). None will have to worry about money for a long, long time to come.
According to a news source, salaries soared for certain cast members, (hint: Snooki’s little bundle of joy born two weeks ago has no college money woes at all) who made over $2 million each for shooting one season. The rest of the crew, it was reported, made $100,000 each per episode. Not bad for a bunch of leaping unknowns with gelled spiky hair and fake tans who wiggled their way into our collective conscience to became house-hold names.
Not for nuthin, but now that the show is canned and the house shuttered, I wonder if the duck-phone will be up for sale and, if so, how much?
Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues — and the homefront — every Wednesday on BrooklynDaily.com..