From chinstraps and juncos to Van Dykes and Garibaldis, Sunset Park space-rocker Aaron Kelly knows how to shave off the competition when it comes to waging a battle of the beards.
The bountifully bewhiskered drummer of “For Every Story Untold” had just set foot in The Bell House on Monday when he found himself thrust in the spotlight for his unique face foliage — a double-forked, heartily-primped hunk of hirsuteness which won him bragging rights and free firewater for being “Most Avant-Garde” in the 2011 Brooklyn Beardfest and Stache Bash.
“I was pushed on stage as soon as I got there!” good-naturedly griped Kelly, a 26-year-old production company worker whose plans to spend a bristle-free evening with pals, taking in a “Facial Hair February” launch at the Gowanus bar and music venue, soon got the brush off.
Luckily, the fuzz fiend, who has entered four beard and mustache contests in two years with half as many wins under his chin, came well-enough preened to nip his advers-hairies in their Donegals and Verdis — even though his regular beard-grooming regimen for a bar-hopping night-prowl fell a few tufts short that evening.
“I usually spend anywhere from a half-hour to an hour getting prepared with mousse, hairspray, mustache wax and a hairdryer to seal the deal,” revealed Kelly, who spent only a whisker of that time prepping, but came away with a big buzz anyway — a source of chuckles if not hair-raising pride for his mom who “donates” the pricey styling products to him while balking at his beard, he added.
By comparison, he spends “about two minutes” on his glossy, shoulder-length mane, disclosed His Beardness who locked jaws with other woolly hominals for the hairy face-off — part of a follicle fest by Wonder Twins and Russcom which lathered on the fun with beardy bands, mustached deejays, vendors and food.
A “beard-lesque” by members of Storybook Burlesque — featuring Magdalena Fox, Victoria Privates, and Jenny C’est Quoi with mustacio’d stage kitten Rosey la Rouge — was the foam on the cake.