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He’s in the kitchen!

Unexpected guest

A woman came home on June 22 to find a thief lurking in her kitchen — just paces away from where her elderly relatives slept.

She told police that when she approached her apartment between Tillary Street and Myrtle Avenue at 7:30 pm, she noticed the front door was ajar. She immediately went to check on her relatives, who were sleeping soundly.

Satisfied, she walked into her kitchen, only to find a complete stranger standing there.

The man bolted out the door, but not before swiping $800 and a book entitled — aptly — “Living in a Hostile World.”

Double trouble

A thief ran off with a woman’s cellphone on June 22 — as she waited for police assistance on another matter!

The 23-year-old was on St. Edwards Street between Auburn Place and Myrtle Avenue at 11 pm when the thief snagged her phone and sprinted away.

By the time cops arrived, the other problem seemed less necessary. Responding officers were asked to find the cellphone thief, which they did in short order.

Pistoleer pinch

A gunman held up a 26-year-old on June 15, taking his credit cards, iPod and cellphone.

The victim was nearing the corner of Greene and Clinton avenues at 4 am when the suspect stopped him and flashed his gun, which was sticking out of his waistband, police said.

Lady unlike

A woman clocked a fellow female club hopper in the head with a glass bottle during a cat fight on June 27.

Police said that the 4:50 am fisticuffs at the corner of Fulton Street and Rockwell Place began with a shooting threat. The victim had just left the nearby club to grab a cab with when her assailant approached with a friend.

“I wanna shoot the fair one,” the suspect said before the fight broke out and the victim was struck, said officials. No serious injuries were reported.

Back door man

A thief sneaked into a Classon Avenue home on June 26, taking a cellphone and a laptop.

The creeper entered the apartment between Gates and Putnam avenues sometime after midnight through a back door, which had been left unlocked.

Magic man

A burglar swiped a number of pricey electronics from a Vanderbilt Avenue apartment on June 26.

The 28-year-old tenant told police that two laptop computers, a Rolex, digital video camera and an iPod all disappeared from his home sometime after 5:30 pm, yet police could not find any signs of forced entry.

Bag hooked!

A sticky-fingered thief made off with a woman’s purse as she celebrated at a Greene Avenue restaurant on June 26.

The woman told police that she had hung her purse near her chair inside the eatery between South Oxford and Cumberland streets at 11 pm.

Once dinner was over, she reached up to get her bag — but it was gone.

Carssault

Not a week goes by without cops from the 88th Precinct hearing about a car break-in in the neighborhood. Here’s this week’s rundown:

• A thief smashed the passenger window of a car parked on Fulton Street between Grand Avenue and St. James Place sometime after 2 am on June 24, taking a video camera, laptop computer and iPod.

• Several files belonging to the Administration of Children’s Services were removed from a car parked on South Elliott Place on June 23. The 32-year-old city employee said someone broke the rear driver’s-side window to his 2007 Mitsubishi parked between Hanson Place and Atlantic Avenue after 10:30 pm.

• A coffee machine and three pairs of pricey sunglasses were removed from a 2003 Honda on June 20.

The car was parked on Clermont Avenue between DeKalb and Lafayette avenues, and someone smashed through the rear passenger window after 8 pm.