I am all for computers and advanced technology. In fact, I’m more in love with Google than I am my husband, (but that is a story for another column). There is no better method for finding out information than visiting the search giant to get the answers to your questions. It is faster than the blink of an eye, and only a gentle click of a mouse away.
However, the one instance that computers and advanced technology (automated answering systems) are not welcome is when it comes to manning information lines at major corporations.
The other day, while trying to get the 411 about an individual dental insurance plan for my daughter, I unfortunately ran into the “Press ‘1’ for English, ‘2’ for indigestion, and ‘3’ to be ignored” black hole of telecommunications.
Each and every insurance company had the same automated system, and each one was more frustrating than the last. Call after call garnered the same responses, which included the following:
• “Sorry all of our agents are presently busy assisting other customers;”
• “Due to the high volume of calls, your wait time is expected to be more than several months;”
And my all time favorite option:
• “If you wold like to have a call back within the next century, please leave your name, a number where you can be reached, and what planet you will be on after the beep.”
That last one is always followed by the damn auto system hanging up on you.
You would think since insurance companies charge an arm, leg, and your first born child for a premium, that it would be able to afford a staff of live personnel to answer questions, especially when the questions are “How much are the premiums?” and “Can I buy into your plan?” However, it seems that live operators have gone out of fashion faster than bloomers and polite manners.
Not only are the options and the endless loop of button pressing enough to give you ulcers, but the musical choices are miserable as well. Either it’s some obscure classical piece or a Muzak moment that keeps rolling around in your head long after the phone call has ended.
Either way, options or miserable music, at the end of the long haul of phone calls you wind up needing a cold pack for your head, a handful of aspirin, and a bottle of antacids to counteract the agita level.
The black hole of automated answering systems has even invaded and infected doctors’ offices, cable companies, banks, schools, and hospitals. You name it, and it has an automated answering service — and none of them are helpful.
Not for Nuthin™, but I don’t know which is worse — having your call answered by an outsourced company in Calcutta or a never ending loop of “press whatever” options. By the way, after a dozen calls that got me nowhere, I gave up on obtaining a dental insurance plan for Bri. We’ll just have to promise them our first born grandchild in the event she ever needs a filling.
Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.
