Spoiler alert — read no further if you have not seen “Sharknado: the Fourth Awakens.”
This installment of the uber profitable franchise was one fine yuck-fest.
Every pun, every gag, every chance to pay homage to a classic flick was used — without shame.
The Star Trek and Star Wars franchises, “The Six Million Dollar Man,” “The Wizard of Oz,” Chippendale dancers (one heck of a crotch bump), “The Martian” — none were safe from “pundemonium” — and the run-away train was only bested by the biggest ball of twine that ever saved the day — all used shamelessly, with gleeful abandon, and in unabashed good fun.
Producers shared the love and repaid Fin’s crossover appearance in “Lavalantula” with a visit from Steve Guttenberg, who plugged “2 Lava 2 Lantula!” (premiering this weekend). The spiders are bigger, badder, and scarier than ever.
Enough already — let’s get to the good stuff.
Did April survive?
You bet your sweet chainsaw she did — April is a kick-ass, $6-million cyborg. Thanks to her mad-scientist dad (none other than Gary Busey), she is bigger, stronger, better, and cheesier than Steve Austin ever could be. Even James Bond would be envious of her new attachable weapons — April’s bionic hand now sports a lightsaber and triton prongs.
Last we saw Fin’s dad Gil senior, he was stranded out in space in a tin can without a fuse. Happily newcomer Aston Reynolds rescued him from the moon (how did he survive?), and he now works for his savior shilling commercials for Aston’s invention, which has kept the earth Sharknado-free for five years. Hey, he did save him from the moon after all.
Fin’s children are all grown. Elder son Matt is married to Gabrielle. The bride survived a wild ride in Vegas but sadly becomes shark food mid-’nado. Daughter Claudia works for grandad Gil senior. And the little one… well what can you expect from the one born in the belly of the beast? Gil junior is 5 years old, cute as a button, and in the long line of Shepards and one whip-a– shark-fighter to boot. Rounding out the Shepard clan is niece Gemini, who has joined the fight.
In the end, April is the real hero — with her super cyborg powers, she manages to fly into the storm and save the world, rescue Gil junior from the plunge over Niagara Falls (in a barrel no less), and use mini shark defibrillators to kick-start Fin’s heart. Matt climbs his way to safety, Claudia is burped up from a shark, and Gemini scales her way up from the floor of the Falls — none the worse for wear.
Collateral damage took the life of Aston Reynolds, (he fell into the Falls even though he was wearing a wing suit) and Matt’s wife Gabrielle.
Will there be a “Sharknado 5”? We can only hope. The producers need to bring back Aston Reynolds — he needs to create more ’nado-jamming electronics — and Gabrielle. If she can survive a Las Vegas car ride, how hard can it be to survive a shark bite? Maybe Gary Busey can re-build her, too.
Not for Nuthin™, but as long as there are Shepards to fight and sharks to fly, “Sharknado 5” will not be far behind.
Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.
