Why so serious?
A knife-wielding fiend slashed another man in the face on 86th Street on March 8, police report.
The victim said he and the villain were having an argument near the corner of Bay 20th Street at 7:46 pm when the crook pulled a blade and added a couple of inches to his smile.
A mugger swiped a woman’s MetroCard and cellphone on 20th Avenue on March 8, according to cops.
The victim said she was was between 62nd and 63rd streets at 4:55 pm with her phone and transit pass in hand when the crook ran up behind her, punched her in the back, and took off with her property.
Cops collared a man who they say tried to steal a blushing bride’s bag from her wedding day limo on 61st Street on March 9.
Police report that the suspect snatched the purse from the stretch car near Bay Parkway at 1:50 pm and fled into the alleyway alongside the Roman Catholic church where the ceremony was being performed, allowing cops to corner him and recover the stolen property.
A lowlife stole a deliveryman’s moped on 82nd Street on March 2, cops claim.
The victim said he stopped to drop off food at an apartment complex between 19th and 20th avenues at 6:20 pm and left his bike outside. When he came back out, his vroom-vroom had vanished.
A burglar heisted a woman’s weave — as well as her clothes, shoes, and iron — from an 85th Street apartment sometime between March 5 and March 8, police say.
The victim told cops she left her home near 23rd Avenue at 11:45 pm and came back three days later to find her imported wig and personal affects gone.
— Will Bredderman