Full disclosure:
I drank the first pint of Labatt’s at Freddy’s this week.
Fuller disclosure: It tasted lousy.
Fullest disclosure: That’s not a comment on Freddy’s
boycott of Brooklyn Lager; Labatt’s really is lousy.
Reasonable people can disagree on whether Freddy’s Bar is justified
in boycotting Brooklyn Lager because brewery owner Steve Hindy supports
Bruce Ratner’s Atlantic Yards project — a project that will
result in the demise of the 100-plus-year-old Freddy’s.
But reasonable people cannot disagree on one thing: Freddy’s owner
Donald O’Finn picked a weak substitute for the beer of Kings.
I know this because I took a silver bullet for you, dear reader, by drinking
the first pint of Labatt Blue that flowed from O’Finn’s formerly
Brooklyn Lager tap. Here are my tasting notes:
“Crisp, very light, and hoppy; has about as much body as a cocaine-addled
supermodel; tastes like an upscale Budweiser; it’s not offensive
— which is offensive.”
Here are my tasting notes for Brooklyn Lager: “Rich and thick with
notes of honey, malt, cedar wood, filberts and Brooklyn integrity; a superior
beer.”
Having consumed O’Finn’s politically correct new beer, I questioned
him on his poor choice.
“Well, I chose Labatt because I thought Canada had no eminent domain,
but upon deeper research, I found out that they do,” said O’Finn
at Monday’s boycott celebration. “So now I’m in search
of a country that has no eminent domain. I just hope they make a good
beer.”
One man immediately yelled out, “What about Russia?” but his
suggestion was immediately tabled. “Russian beer sucks,” someone
else screamed.
And, lest we forget, eminent domain is alive and very well in that former
Soviet republic.
