Medieval times are back in Kings County! Williamsburgers are already sporting beards like Henry VIII, and soon they’ll be drinking flagons of artisanal mead. Here are a few other activities from the Middle Ages hipsters could revive.
Leeches
Forget juice or colon cleanses, there’s nothing quite as purifying than having a leech suck all the toxins — and your blood — out of your body.
The grateful bread
Back in the day, bread inadvertently made with diseased rye caused Dark Ages carb-loaders to hallucinate en masse. These days, it sounds like an economical, natural alternative to acid.
Animal trials
Folks in medieval times sometimes took animals to court for crimes such as eating their crops or damaging their property. Now, Brooklyn pets are mostly committing crimes against fashion, and someone needs to answer for those pugs in tutus and hoodies. The punishment? Dogs have to parade naked through the streets.
One-stop barber shops
Hipster hair salons are now serving beer and cocktails, but in olden times, barbers also offered amputation and tooth extraction. Many Millenials still can’t afford health insurance these day, anyway, so allowing a guy who has some sort of license to cut and pluck things from the human body is surely better than no doctor or dentist at all — especially if it comes with free booze.
