Not to be outdone by last year’s dire predictions of the Mayan Calendar or Harold Camping and his end of days, we were again plunged into fear and panic by the weather stations and the newest catch phrase — the “polar vortex” — that descended upon us and brought us to our knees with sub-zero temperatures.
Oh hum. Why does the media feel it necessary to bring every weather condition to the level of a disaster movie? Okay, so we had cold temperatures. Okay, there was a snowstorm.
Hello, this is the northeast and, last I looked, the climate is prone to cold weather and snow this time of year.
It is not a dire predicament, it is reality.
George Carlin, as the hippy-dippy weatherman, once predicted, “Tonight, it will be dark, with large patches of light near morning.” It seems that the weather forecasters on all weather stations took a lesson from George, predicting natural occurrences like they were supernovas of weather.
As a result of the media’s over-exaggerated musings, the neighborhood stores were flooded with panicked buyers rushing out to get the last quart of milk, loaf of bread, and dozen eggs. After all, with a few days of really, really sub-arctic cold, the cows will stop making milk, the hens stop laying, no ovens will bake bread, and farmers will stop farming. Oh my, oh my — the end of our world as we know it.
I hit the stores before the last storm only to find the shelves empty, the lines out the door, and people acting like the events predicted in Y2K, the Mayan calendar, and Harold Camping were all converging within the next 24 hours.
It is okay folks, really okay.
Trust me, if we give Mother Nature a few months, the cold will turn to warm, the skies will clear, and we will again face spring, blooming flowers, and — dare I say it — warm weather.
But then the soaring temperatures and sunny days will have the weather mavens predicting dire warnings yet again — “It is hotter than Hades, it is the hottest day in the last 200 years, the sun is on fire, and people are melting.”
This will again cause panic and a shopping frenzy where frightened citizens will run out to empty the shelves of air conditioners, water bottles, SPF 100 suntan lotion, bags of ice, and push the electric grid to its cooling limit.
There will be brownouts, blackouts and the end of society as we know it. The Weather Channel will have endless hours of programming devoted to the heat spell. The movie channels will devote marathons to end of the world disaster movies, and, again, lunacy will reign in the cities across the country.
Not for Nuthin,™ but the weather predictors and stations of the little screen should leave disaster movies to Hollywood and just report the weather leaving the panic for the big silver screen to be enjoyed with popcorn and a cola.
Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.