Onion head writer Seth Reiss gave us his five favorite sports headlines from the world’s finest news source:
“Seeing Ken Griffey Jr. In Backwards Hat Now Just Depressing”
Why it’s funny: Like 1990s clothing styles, Junior was never the same after the turn of the century.
“Steve Nash Sarcastically Asks Shaq To Slow Down”
Why it’s funny: The recently retired O’Neal has allegedly spent his free-time writing Kobe Bryant hate-Tweets and not practicing free-throws.
“Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex”
Why it’s funny: If you don’t know why that’s funny, you really have no business calling yourself a fan of extra-marital sex.
“‘Space Jam’ Actor Larry Bird Spotted At Game 2 Of NBA Finals”
Why it’s funny: Larry Bird used to be in the NBA Finals. But he’s so boring that only Tweety Bird gets on the Jumbo-Tron (also, Celtics suck!).
“Derek Jeter Rejects Move To Outfield By Reminding Yankees That He’s Derek F—king Jeter”
Why it’s funny: Oh, by the way, he ended up hitting .297 on the season, so f—k you, too.
