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Stan gets pazzo about his pasta

When I was a youngster, we ate macaroni. When and who changed the word from “macaroni” to “pasta?”

Those of us who are diabetics are told that if we are going to eat pasta, it should be whole wheat. My roommate and I were in an Italian restaurant and I ordered Chicken Parm with whole wheat pasta — any kind of pasta as long as it’s whole wheat.

The waiter came back and said that they don’t have whole wheat pasta — of any kind.

I mentioned that there was a supermarket in the same shopping center only three or four doors away that surely would have some. Why not just send someone out to buy a box? The waiter returned with a man who appeared to be the manager, owner, or at least someone of authority. I politely repeated my request, to which he snapped: “We don’t do that.” I spoke softly, and he shouted at me with a “don’t tell me what I have to do” attitude. How would you have handled this?

I picked myself up, motioned for Carol to join me, and started towards the door. “Where are you going?” he barked.

Very politely again, with a smile on my face, I replied, “Out to the supermarket to buy a box of whole wheat pasta. In fact, as long as I’m there, along with it I’ll buy a bottle of the spaghetti sauce my mother served when I was a child. Then I will be heading for home to put the water on. We will enjoy our dinner sitting outdoors on our beautiful new balcony.”

Right now, most of you are surely asking yourselves, what kind of spaghetti sauce did they use in a Jewish home sixty-five years ago? The answer — drum roll please — ketchup!

No, I’m not kidding. I don’t think Ragu was invented yet. I’m sure that at this very moment, my dear friend and colleague Joanna Del Buono, is screaming, “Ketchup on spaghetti? They are pazzo!”

Calm down, Jo. We’re Jewish. What did we know about gravy?

• • •

As of the discussion on the radio last night, there are those who are looking to outlaw the sales in the U.S.A. of the Confederate Flag. The Confederate Flag is a no-no but nobody talks about the Nazi flag with a swastika that is still available on the Internet.

Now that’s pazzo.

• • •

The Candie’s Foundation is a non-profit organization that educates American teenagers about the consequences of teen pregnancy. Non-profit to them, but not to Bristol Palin. Bristol has been paid more than a quarter of a million dollars as an Abstinence Ambassador.

Well, waddya know? Bristol is pregnant again, with her second child conceived out of wedlock.

I have no real problem with that as long as she supports her children without getting government assistance. It is the freeloading community that bugs me.

Bristol made the announcement of her pregnancy several weeks after breaking her engagement with her lover. She stated that this pregnancy was “actually planned.” Really? “Actually planned?”

Everybody, all together now — “Yeah right!”

Whatever happened to practicing what you preach? I know, I know — you are going to write and tell me that Bristol is not a teenager, but shouldn’t some of those same rules apply?

• • •

Here are a few words that I have lived by all my life. A friend is someone who does not say no when you ask for a favor. A good friend doesn’t wait for you to ask. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net throwing a big bouquet of Thank Yous to those of my really good friends who have been there when we needed you these past seven weeks. God bless you.

Read Stan Gershbein’s column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.

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