Stan got some questions for you to answer - Brooklyn Paper

Stan got some questions for you to answer

Questions, questions, questions.

Some need answers. Others do not. Sometimes the question isn’t a question at all, but a statement.

• Do you think that a massacre such as the tragedy in Newtown can be prevented? Oh, sure. You’re ready to shout, “Get rid of all guns.” If it were only that simple. With brand new laws around the corner, a few weapons will go, but there will always be some with us.

• Is the National Rifle Association right about putting armed policemen in schools? Many schools already have them, along with metal detectors. Various political people argue that this plan is too expensive, but how much is the life of a student worth?

• Why is that particular part of our body known as the funny bone? Hit it when you shouldn’t and the last thing you want to do is laugh.

• Everybody knows that texting while driving is dangerous. What would you consider a fair punishment when stopped by a cop for texting while driving? A $150 fine, a $500 fine, or three nights in the can? What’s your thinking on this?

• Why is Soledad such a fabissener?

• Why is President Obama afraid to release his college records? Is there something in there that embarrasses him? Like, maybe he failed ethics?

• Why are so many of us that are anti-drug use in baseball and football still refusing to believe that Lance Armstrong was doping?

• Are you happy that “Jersey Shore” has been cancelled? Did you ever watch it? Why not?

• Are they still making “M*A*S*H” only now they’re calling them reruns? I saw two episodes last week that I swear I never saw before.

• Why do those people applaud at the closing bell even when the Dow is down a lot?

• Why aren’t football players permitted to celebrate after scoring a touchdown? Score a goal in hockey and your teammates hug you like your lover would. Hit a walk-off home run and the bench will clear. Rejoice after a touchdown? That’s a penalty.

• If “it’s not the price, but the thought that counts,” why do so many people run to the Internet to see how much the gift-giver paid for that thought?

• Why do we borrow money and give it away to foreign countries? Why do we give so much money to countries that hate us?

• Do you consider Al Gore an expert on global warming? If you do, you are in the minority. Even after winning a Nobel Prize for his work in that area, only 24 percent of the nation considers him an authority — 59 percent give him the thumbs down. The rest are busy watching cartoons.

• Do you think movies are overpriced? Yes but we don’t care. The many millions of dollars they gross prove that we go anyway.

• Wherever I go, I see people talking on their cellphones. I can’t remember the last time I saw a phone booth. Tell me, where does Clark Kent go to change his clothes?

• When did this nation lose the power of successful espionage? Do the Torricelli Principles have any meaning here?

• And finally, besides your pledge to stop smoking and promise to lose weight, how many New Year resolutions did you make? How many have you already broken? Which ones? I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net making a resolution to never make resolutions again.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.

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