My older daughter was home on her winter break for more than a month and there were dinners when the table was set, plates and glasses out, and I opened a bottle of wine. To pour or not to pour? That is the question.
I offered, every time. The reality is that she’s 19-years-old and it seems hypocritical not to acknowledge that during the many months she’s at college, drinking is based on her judgment.
Truth be told, I’ve been serving my daughter for a number of years at our table, starting with sips of wine or beer, whatever I was having, and eventually a glass of her own. My younger daughter, now 17-years-old, enjoys the same service.
I’ve come to see drinking like any other responsibility my kids are expected to learn — using knives in the kitchen or driving. It seems silly that I help them master these but for some reason, I’m supposed to treat drinking as something totally different. I want them to see that wine or beer can be enjoyed, sipped, not just guzzled for effect. They should know it’s fine to have one, singular glass with a meal and you don’t have to finish the bottle, or even drain the goblet.
Of course I could make them sit there and watch me model good behavior while forbidding them a taste of whatever I’m having. I think all this accomplishes is making alcohol seem more forbidden and, thus, more desirable. It seems the kids who drink the most when they get to the freedom of college are the ones who grew up in the most restrictive homes.
Letting my girls have a drink with the grown-ups can also be a way to signal that I think they’re responsible, thoughtful young women. Drinking responsibly is very mature.
Not so long ago, we went out to dinner with another family at a nicer Park Slope establishment. It was just the parents and the older children from each family and when we ordered wine, the waiter brought glasses for all six of us. We all shared triumphant, conspiratorial looks as the glasses were filled and felt great that our children were seen as adults. The evening was a delight and the teenagers shared equally in the conversation.
What is gained by trying to quarantine my daughters from the reasonable enjoyment of alcoholic beverages with dinner when, in a matter of time, they will be able to legally do so on their own?
It’s not like I’m making the bar open to them all the time for whatever they feel like having. There will be no cocktails on school nights nor nightcaps on weekends. When I’m drinking with a meal, they get a glass too. Just like when they started cooking and getting behind the wheel, I was there to teach and coach. This is the same idea, but instead of being about turn signals and chopping herbs, it’s about India pale ale and porter, Cabernet and Sancerre.
Cheers.
