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This ain’t no party — this ain’t no foolin’ around

House party

A group of thieves forced their way into a man’s house at gunpoint on July 6 and partied for three hours in the victim’s apartment before fleeing with $22,860 in clothing and jewelry.

The victim told police that three thugs followed him home after he exited the Borough Hall subway station at 1 am and held a knife to his back when he reached his apartment, which is on Joralemon Street between Henry and Clinton streets.

Once inside the apartment the thieves ransacked the apartment, drank the victim’s alcohol, and watched a movie. One thief demanded the secret code to the victim’s ATM card, and then left to make a withdrawal.

Salon scare

A thief robbed a hair salon on Nevins Street at gunpoint on July 16, making off with $2,080 cash.

The gun-wielding thug entered the store, which is between Livingston and Fulton streets, at 8:30 pm and waved the gun at the two employees, yelling, “You know what this is, so don’t move, don’t say anything!”

The thief led the employees to the bathroom and demanded, “Where’s the money at?” The thief disappeared back into the store, and five minutes later, the victims heard the front door close. When they exited the bathroom the thief and the money were gone.

Plus-sized theft

A woman’s wallet was stolen while she was shopping at Lane Bryant on Fulton Street on July 10.

The victim told police she forgot her wallet on a chair at the plus-sized woman’s clothing store, which is at the corner of Smith Street, at 6:50 pm. She realized her mistake a few minutes later but her wallet, with $560, had already been nabbed.

Sticky fingers

A smooth criminal robbed a woman on July 11 while she was grocery shopping on Montague Street — and he was so smooth, in fact, that the victim didn’t notice until he had already committed the crime.

The victim said she was at the store, which is between Henry and Hicks streets, at 4:15 pm when she noticed that $200 had been swiped from her pocketbook.

Dangerous gym

A workout fanatic was burgled on July 12 while he was working up a sweat at a gym on Joralemon Street.

The victim told police that he had left his jacket, with a wallet in its pocket, in an unlocked locker at 7 pm. He returned an hour later and discovered that his wallet — containing $40 — had been removed from the locker at the gym, which is between Clinton and Court streets.

Thief chorus

Two repetitive thieves mugged a man at the corner of Bridge and York streets on July 9.

The victim told police that the two thugs approached him around midnight, and the first said, “Give me everything you got.” The second thug echoed the demand, adding, “Give him everything you got!”

The first thief then punched the victim in the face and grabbed his iPod.

Car crimes

Thieves must have been in a hurry last week, because at least four cars were stolen or broken into. Here’s a roundup:

• A Honda Civic was stolen from Pacific Street on July 5. The victim told police that he had parked the car between Bond and Nevins streets at 4 pm and returned four hours later to find it gone.

• A thief busted into a car on State Street on July 8. The victim said he had parked the car near Third Avenue at noon, but when he got back seven hours later, the car had been broken into and $1,550 in electronics had been stolen.

• A Mercedes Benz was stolen overnight on July 10 while parked in a garage between Water and Front streets in DUMBO. The victim left the car in the garage at 4 pm and returned the next day to find it had been stolen.

• A car was stolen on July 12 from the corner of Middagh Street and Cadman Plaza West. The victim said he parked the car at 10:15 pm and returned five days later to find the Honda gone.

Double trouble

A hard-working thief burgled two adjacent apartments on Duffield Street on July 17.

Sometime between 6 and 10:30 pm, the thief entered the first apartment and got close to $7,000 in electronics. Minutes later, he got into the second unit in the building, which is between Concord and Nassau streets, and made off with a $3,000 MacBook Pro.

Friendly mug

Two men pummelled a 67-year-old man and mugged him for $1,350 in jewelry and cash on July 14.

The victim told police that the two thugs approached him at 11:30 pm at the corner of Bond and Schermerhorn streets, then grabbed him, threw him to the ground and kicked him before stealing his property and fleeing.

G trauma

A group of thugs attacked a man and stole his cellphone on July 16 while he was walking to the G train’s Hoyt-Schermerhorn station.

The victim said he was on Schermerhorn Street at 1:30 am when someone walked up behind him and said, “Give me your G1 cellphone, I have a gun.”

The victim said, “No,” and kept walking, but the thief grabbed his book bag and knocked him to the ground.

The scared victim quickly got up and started to run, but two more attackers appeared out of nowhere, tackled him and removed the desired cellphone.

Silent crime

A man’s cellphone was stolen out of his hand on July 12 by a group of young men who didn’t say a single word while robbing the 51-year-old victim.

The victim told police that he was on Court Street, between Joralemon and Livingston streets, at 11:10 pm when a gang of thugs snatched his phone and fled.