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What’s Chinese for screw-up?

The Department of Education failed the exam, but an innocent student will pay the price.

That’s the strange case of Nicole Colca, an eighth-grade graduate who was denied entry into her first choice high school, only to be placed in an Asian-language school.

There’s one problem: Colca does­n’t speak Chinese.

The trouble began shortly after she graduated from the Gateway City Academy, a middle school. Her good grades convinced her that she had a good shot at landing at her number one choice, the High School of Economics, so she was disappointed to discover she was assigned her last choice, Fort Hamilton HS.

That’s when the real craziness began.

The Colca family appealed the decision, and was pleased to receive notification from the Education Department that her appeal had been granted. And then she learned where she had been assigned: the High School for Dual Language and Asian Studies.

Of course Colca never applied for the Asian language and culture school. The mistake looks to be the result of a simple tying error. The code for Telecommunications HS (her real second choice) is “K59A” while the code for Asian Studies is was “M59A” (the K is slightly above the M on the standard qwerty keyboard).

The Asian Studies school Web site makes clear that the young student, whose primary interests are economics and accounting, will spend less time on the Laffer curve and more time studying Chinese.

“Daily instruction in English and Chinese will be provided to every student,” the school’s site says. “English Proficient and English Language Learn­ers will be integrated during instructional times and are expected to comprehend, speak, read and write in English and Chinese by the time they graduate.”

Colca didn’t want her future goals changed just because someone in the Education Department couldn’t type, so her family brought the typo to the attention of the Office of Student Enrollment and Operations.

But changing this typo took more than Wite-Out.

The Colca family suddenly found itself in the midst of a bureaucratic nightmare of unreturned calls. Eventually, the family was told that the error could not be repaired because it was their error.

“The family didn’t get the school of their choice and decided to file an appeal,” said Neil Dorosin, director of the enrollment office. “But when they filed the appeal, they mistakenly requested the Asian Studies class.”

What’s Chinese for “huh”? Colca says she didn’t make the mistake, and she has the paperwork to prove it.

“I still have all the forms and anyone can clearly see that we marked down the appropriate class,” Colca said. “They are 100-percent lying.” The Colcas then turned to Councilman Vince Gentile (D–Bay Ridge), who wrote a letter urging the Education Department to reverse course.

“Her placement at the High School for Dual Language and Asian Studies would be almost humorous if not for the random and determined fixation by the DOE to place a motivated student like Nicole into a program that fails totally to engage her interest or enthusiasm,” said Gentile.

Gentile’s intervention appeared to pay off (a little): the enrollment office agreed to let Nicole attend Fort Hamilton HS — her original last choice.

Dorosin continued to defend his agency. “Since they filed the appeal incorrectly, we did everything we could,” he said. “We reversed the appeal.” Justice served, right? Wrong.

Colca believes justice will be served only when her initial second choice — Telecommunications HS — is granted.

“Just because they made a mistake with our appeal shouldn’t mean it gets thrown out,” said the student’s mother, Madeline Colca.

Colca and Gentile say they won’t give up, and are hoping that the Department of Education sees the light, but until then, Colca remains scheduled for Fort Hamilton HS in September.

In the meantime, they can take comfort in a famous Chinese Proverb.

“Like weather, one’s fortune may change by evening.”

The Kitchen Sink

Is spitting in someone’s face legal? It apparently is, that is unless you get proper identification first. A Ridge woman told The Stoop she got spat at during a traffic dispute, and alertly jotted down the spitter’s license plate number. But cops said she can’t file charges unless she also gets the spitter’s name, too. Sufferin’ succotash! …

On June 16, the Canny Brothers, a Dyker Heights musical band of brothers, threw a CD release party at Three Jolly Pigeons at 6802 Third Ave. …

Schnitzel Haus, located at 7319 Fifth Ave., has a great beer selection, but the veal in our source’s schnitzel tasted re-heated. We’ll let it slide this time; after all, they do have 10 beers on tap! …

Last Saturday, Northfield Bank opened its first Brooklyn branch, at 8512 Third Ave. The ribbon-cutting was attended by local politicians including possible mayoral rivals Borough President Markowitz and state Sen. Marty Golden (R–Bay Ridge). E-mail Stoop@BrooklynPaper.com