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You want gripes? Stan’s got gripes. • Brooklyn Paper

You want gripes? Stan’s got gripes.

A few weeks ago, somebody who calls himself “Chicken Underwear from Park Slope” suggested that I could just whine about everything.

Now I don’t know “Chicken Underwear.” I don’t think I ever met her (or him) but, just like you, I have my own pet peeves and dislikes. Still, I took her (or his) suggestion seriously, and the following is a partial list of things that bug me.

Whose idea was it to place a gummy label on every piece of fruit? I occasionally forget to remove it before I bite into a peach and it sometimes gets stuck in my teeth. Next stop — the Waterpik.

I dislike reading about welfare recipients winning the lottery. If they’re on welfare they shouldn’t be playing the lottery.

I get really angry when I see my government wasting taxpayer money on ridiculous projects like $148,000 for two men’s suits in Michigan.

I don’t like banks. They are now giving interest that is lower than the rate of inflation.

I get annoyed with the woman who holds up the candy line at the movies while she fumbles in her oversized bag for a few pennies. That’s the same woman who pays by check at the supermarket and holds us up when she stops to balance her checkbook. I politely asked her to step aside so that the rest of us can get moving. She opened a mouth for the world to hear: What’s your g—— f—— hurry! What’s my hurry, I reminded her, was really none of her business, but whatever it is, she was keeping me from getting there. She wasn’t the least bit embarrassed when the rest of the line applauded me.

I don’t particularly care for restaurants that don’t tell us that they have added an 18 percent tip to the bill and then leave an empty space on the charge slip for a tip. Many of us have fallen for that scam once — only once — then never again.

I don’t like hearing that the Tea Party is dead. Look at the results of the Senate primary in Indiana.

• • •

I hated it when the jerk at the cocktail party shouted, “If you love Israel so much why you don’t move there?”

Remind me to tell you about my friend Anna who, in several discussions said, “Israel is an insurance policy for the American Jew.” I am bothered by the 50% of Americans who don’t pay any income taxes at all constantly squawking that we who carry the big load are not paying our fair share. Hey there President Obama….Tell me already -How much is my fair share?

I love the advertisements that shout about the big, big bargains on cruises and car rentals but after the various fees and taxes are added those low, low prices have doubled. It’s perfectly legal but a bit devious.

• • •

I get bugged by messages left on my telephone answering machine without a name. “Hi. It’s me. Call me back.” Now who the heck is me? I really am bothered by the idiot bank employee who asks in a very loud voice that everyone can hear “Do you want to go into the vault?”

That’s great. Now every person is wondering if I’m putting my wife’s jewelry in or taking it out.

In her recent column, my friend and colleague, Joanna DelBuono, informed us that she doesn’t like it when people use the word “like” over and over again. How about those who say “you know” in every sentence?

I dislike it when people excuse the bad things that Bill Maher says and does “because he’s a comedian.” If he’s a comedian he’s not a very good one. Maher is a very clever, extremely intelligent voice of the left.

I am skeptical about store ads that advertise “Buy one get one free” without putting a price in the ad. I’m always afraid that they’re doubling the price of one to give me the second one “free.” Sometimes they do.

And finally, I have absolutely no problem with a reader who writes to disagree with my opinions. I find fault with his personal, distasteful comments. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net reminding him of the Ronald Reagan quote, “You can disagree without being disagreeable.”

Read Stanley Gershbein's column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.

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