Captain’s log: In which our Captain combats a cable-installation time-vortex

Stardate: -310299.9278992106

All I wanted to do was set up a new account with @TWCable_NYC but 36hrs later I’ve lost the will to live.— twitter.com/SirPatStew

In this first episode, our courageous Captain, Sir Patrick Stewart — a new Park Slope resident who famously played Jean-Luc Picard on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” — battles the Time Warner Cable empire using his powerful Twitter account.

Stuck in a cable-installation time-vortex, Stewart uses his technological know-how to blast the television provider into submission.

On the next episode: whatever Sir Patrick Stewart tweets about.