This interview comes with a parental advisory.
OK, now that the kiddies have flipped the page, it’s time to get down to some nasty business: Andrew Dice Clay is about to unload all over you.
Don’t blame us — the raunchy comedian, who filled arenas nationwide for much of the 1980s with an outrageous mix of homophobia, sexism, curse-filled nursery rhymes, misanthropy and preposterous sexual achievements, is back, beginning a “comeback” tour at MCU Park in Coney Island on Oct. 1.
Tickets went on sale last Monday, so we got “The Diceman” on the phone to talk about his early triumphs, his two-decade disappearance, and his revival with a role on “Entourage,” a famously disastrous turn on “The Apprentice” and a new act (which isn’t much different from his old act).
Full disclosure: Clay owes his entire career to The Brooklyn Paper, which discovered then-Andrew Clay Silverman in 1979. At the time, “Dice” was just a fast-talking wannabe on Court Street.
Still, he impressed our then-editor Laurie Sue Brockway, who wrote the first article on him on March 6, 1979. The rest, of course, is history: Dice and The Brooklyn Paper went on to superstardom.
This week, he chatted with Brockway’s heir, Editor Gersh Kuntzman:
Gersh Kuntzman: First, let’s credit The Brooklyn Paper with making your entire career.
Andrew Dice Clay: You did not make my career, but Laurie was the first person to write me up. It was so exciting to me, a guy working for my dad in his process-serving agency, Royal Process Serving, on Court Street. She wrote the first story and then a bigger story when she saw me a few months later in a Joe Franklin “Gong Show” thing. The winner got to open for Tiny Tim, who was hot then. I won, and that was really my humble beginning.
GK: And then you went on to become a legend — selling out arenas and becoming the only comedian to sellout Madison Square Garden twice.
ADC: That’s not that big a deal. I did more than 300 sold-out arenas. I did the Rose Bowl with Guns and Roses in 1992. That was a wild show.
GK: You were huge. So what happened?
ADC: I went through a bad divorce and felt it was more important to raise my sons. I didn’t care much about my career; I cared more about bringing up two sons with brains and a good outlook. They needed to be guided. It was more important than doing another movie. But I never stopped working. I did the club circuit. My sons are my world to me. If you’re going after a career, you have to be completely focused. That’s how I am now.
GK: Andrew Dice Clay — family man?
ADC: Look, what I do on stage — that’s the act. Elvis didn’t wear the glitter suit around the house every day.
GK: Um, I think he did. Anyway, let’s talk about your act for a second. There’s a lot of talk of anal sex, anal oral sex, oral sex, rough sex, man-on-blow-up-doll sex, animal sex, self-sex. So educate those who say your act is, in the words of Wikipedia, “crude, misogynistic, racist, homophobic and degrading.”
ADC: It’s real simple: you have haters and you have people who love me. The haters are always going to hate, and the ones who love you will love you. My act isn’t for everyone; it never was.
GK: Is there a joke you won’t do now, like, say, the homosexual stuff?
ADC: I don’t even think about like that. When I’m onstage, I say whatever I think will make people laugh hard. That is one thing I do better than every comic in the world; I make people laugh uncontrollably. Regular comics get the laugh, but I create a certain kind of mania. My thing is affecting audiences and exciting them. When I was getting started, standup comics were boring to me, as funny as they were. My thing was about performance. Twenty, 30 years ago, comics were really just used as opening acts, not headliners, except for a few like Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy understood the art of rock star comedy. So as I got more and more into standup, I decided if I’m going to do this, I’m going to give them something they never saw or heard.
GK: Like eating a—.
ADC: Eating a—, exactly. That whole routine started when I moved from Brooklyn to LA. There were all these different rules about dating. When I dated a girl from Brooklyn, I’d be respectful, take her home, maybe sneak a kiss goodnight — and that’s it. In LA, they don’t even want you to take them for coffee before they invite you up to their place to bang them. But that’s OK. Nothing like f—ing all day long. it’s my favorite part of the day.
GK: Every day?
ADC: I’m 53 and my wife is 27. We relate to each other on a lot of levels. There is no reason not to have sex every day. With all the pressures on you, all the bulls—t with people flipping you off or working for a boss who’s a c—ucker, the pleasure of the day is blowing my load all over whomever I’m with.
GK: That was well said, except the part about the boss. For the record, my boss is not a c—ucker.
ADC: So, yeah, I talk about sex up there. Anyone who doesn’t want to admit what animals we are behind closed doors is either lying or doesn’t have much of a sex life.
GK: Which one are you?
ADC: I’m still the animal who admits it. In a relationship, there’s the mental part and the part where you’re banging her into the f—ing bed. And if that things goes, you gotta end it.
When I break up with a girl, I don’t waste eight seconds moving on. My ex-fiancee — who is my opening act, by the way — when we broke up, I went right into another relationship by Monday. She couldn’t figure it out so I told her the secret: usually when you break up, you’re miserable for months beforehand. So when I break up, why would I mourn for another second rather than saying, “This is great, I’m free” and move on. She agreed.
GK: Last thing — are you excited about the homecoming show?
ADC: Absolutely. No matter where I go, the Brooklyn in me has always kept me grounded. Even with things going on now, “Entourage,” a movie, another album, the tour, through it all, I stay grounded. People are real in Brooklyn. Sure, you got a—oles everywhere, but Brooklyn has the greatest people in the world.”
Andrew Dice Clay at MCU Park [1904 Surf Ave. at W. 17th Street in Coney Island, (718) 507-8499], Oct. 1, 8 pm. For info, visit www.diceinbrooklyn.com.