Were you the girl who beat up all the boys
in elementary school? Do you consider yourself an overgrown tomboy?
Are you strangely attracted to both miniskirts and mouthguards?
If so, you may be ready to become the Brooklyn Bombshells’ newest
"bad-ass chick on roller skates."
But make no mistake. If you want to be a Bombshell – a team in
the Gotham Girls Roller Derby, New York’s only all-female roller
derby league – you’ve got to be more than just New York City
tough. The Bombshells, who regularly compete with the only other
team in the league, the Manhattan Mayhems, aren’t afraid of bruises
or broken bones.
But you’ve also got to be a lady: most of the girls battle it
out in fishnet stockings and short skirts. It’s a community of
girls of all shapes and sizes who beat the crap out of each other
and then go for beers.
"It’s risky business," admits Suzy Hotrod (aka Jean
Schwarzwalder), the fearless co-captain of the Brooklyn Bombshells.
"It’s easy to take an injury, but the best way to avoid
it is to be the best possible skater."
It’s a Monday night, and the Bombshells and the Mayhems are practicing
together at Skate Key in the Bronx. Suzy Hotrod sheds her leopard-print
coat and dons a pair of roller skates painted with orange flames.
"It’s like being Spiderman on wheels," she says, and
hits the rink with a vengeance, keeping low to the ground and
swinging her arms menacingly.
Meanwhile, her bellicose teammates are donning their armor: kneepads,
elbow and wrist guards, helmets adorned with glittery stickers
and the occasional mouthguard for the truly vicious fighters.
Under a sign that reads "Skate At Your Own Risk," they
slam into the rink and everything is suddenly ablaze with a swirling
mass of multicolored wheels and tattooed arms.
Roller derby, which originated in 1935, is an enigmatic cross
between spectacle and sport. During a bout, two teams of five
skaters face off on a flat track. Four girls of each team form
"packs" and take off at the first whistle. The remaining
two "jammers" bolt at the second whistle and start
fighting their way through the opposing team’s pack, who try
to stop the opposing jammer from passing through and scoring.
Around and around, the action goes on for up to two full minutes
of spectacular carnage. Bodies are slammed to the floor, elbows
whack into ribs and cheers mix with expletives as the girls battle
it out at breakneck speed. Each game is three periods of 15 minutes
each with a half-time show.
"I love it," says the Bombshells’ Lady Batterly (Sarah
Paradoski). "It’s the kind of sport I always wanted."
The players practice together for a minimum of two hours each
week. At tonight’s practice, the two teams (who are mostly in
their 20s to early-30s and train together despite their uninhibited
rivalry during games) begin with their regular stretching, endurance
training, and bouting exercises before they turn nasty and start
the real brawling. They circle the rink hundreds of times at
a dizzying pace, practice falling "correctly" and review
different maneuvers and blocks.
Clearly, this kind of activity is a brutal workout.
"Everyone loses weight," says Suzy Hotrod, whose own
muscles bulge in her black jeans and belt with "Lady Unluck"
studs. "Your quads and hamstrings get more defined, especially
at that point where your butt meets your leg."
The Mayhems’ Ginger Snap (Natily Blair), who snapped her wrist
during a particularly vicious practice last season, agrees: "The
right legs of all my jeans split, because we used to go around
the rink in only one direction."
Although the battles may seem dangerously chaotic, all derby
girls are put through a rigorous three-month training period
and must pass a basic skills test before they are allowed to
become a part of the team.
"It takes a long time to get good enough [to compete],"
says Suzy Hotrod. For obvious reasons, girls are also strictly
prohibited from skating if they lack health insurance, and they
must be 18 to join.
Tonight, Ariel Assault (Tracey DeBenedictis), Donna Matrix (Anna
Kolberg), Annie Maul (Sandy Basta), Sharyn Payne (Morgan Bennison)
and Carmen Monoxide (Dina Fiasconaro) are competing as Bombshells
for the first time, but they are technically no longer "fresh
meat," explains league founder and co-captain of the Bombshells,
Chassis Crass (Karin Bruce).
"We joke and say they’re now ’rotten meat’ or ’rancid meat’
with the rest of us," says Crass. "We don’t place fresh
meat on teams until they pass their skills test."
Kaleena Castillo, who’s considering the name "Sugar Smacks,"
has already passed her skills test, but isn’t competing as rancid
meat with the Bombshells tonight due to lapses in her health
insurance between jobs. But she says she’s lost at least 6-10
pounds since practicing with the derby girls due to the aerobic
and muscle-building effects of the sport. And like her fellow
combatants, she’s drawn to the odd combination of conflict and
camaraderie shared by all Gotham Girls.
"There’s no, ’I’m sorry’ or taking anything personally,"
says Castillo. "The rivalry is all in good fun. It helps
get out your mutual aggression. But afterward, the girls exchange
recipes and sewing tips."
The Gotham Girls Roller Derby are recruiting
in all boroughs and New Jersey. Although there is no fee to join,
there are dues that are applied toward practice costs. For more
information, e-mail Chassis Crass (Karin Bruce) at chassiscrass@gothamgirlsrollerderby.com.
If you’d just like to watch, bouts will be held monthly from
April-October at Skate Key, 220 E. 138th St. at Canal Place in
the Bronx. Tickets ($12 advance, $15 at the door) are available
online at www.gothamgirlsrollerderby.com.
VIP and season ticket rates also available.
