Joanna has some thoughts on ‘wildbirth’

What the heck is wrong with women today? Do they really believe that in order to get back to nature, prove their strength, and show fortitude they have to give birth in the middle of nowhere? Or is it just to gain attention?

Lifetime has a new program that rated high on my “WTF Yech” scale — “Born in the Wild.” The series follows the lives of women who choose to give birth outside of a hospital setting.

I get it that hospitals are not always the greatest place to have a baby. It’s sterile, there is medical equipment handy, there are surgeons on call to assist in the event an emergency procedure is required, there is medicine to ease your pain. Silly amenities that no mother in the throes of heavy labor really wants. Right?

We women have been birthing children for millennia and the human race has flourished. But let us take a moment and discuss the fact that since the advent of hospital births the infant and maternal mortality rates have gone way down and the comfort of a laboring mom has gone way up. Yes the “C” word — comfort.

After carrying around a bowling ball for nine months, the last thing I wanted was to be flat on my back, or on all fours, howling in pain, on a canvas tarp in the wild — fighting mosquitoes, no less!

No thanks.

The teaser last week’s show stated: “Peter and Audrey plan an outdoor birth in remote Alaska, close to home but 150 miles from the nearest hospital. The unique setting presents countless obstacles, but they’re determined to see their vision through.”

What vision is that? Bears, wolves, coyotes? Did the vision include protection from wild animals? Was the film crew going to bravely fend off an attack by a wolf pack or a big black bear with video cameras and microphone booms?

A report in WebMD dated Feb. 2014 pointed out that “home deliveries can lead to problems.” And that the risk of a serious complication is nearly four times higher when delivered by a midwife at a home as opposed to in a hospital.” Or in a forest. Hey, Peter and Audrey — you think?

Dr. Amos Grunebaum, a professor and obstetric-gynocologist at Cornell stated in the article, “Home birth is more dangerous.”

Before all you naturalists send out avenging mid-wives and birthing shamans to attack me with birthing chairs and wading pools, I don’t really care where you deliver — that’s your choice. If you would rather prove your inner strength by delivering in the woods, without medicine, running water, and a comfy bed, go for it.

Not for Nuthin™, but I much prefer the meds, comfort, and saving my strength for when the little bundle of joy hits 16 and comes home at four in the morning. That’s when you really need to grit those teeth, howl at the moon, and bear down.

Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.

Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues every Wednesday on BrooklynDaily.com. E-mail her at jdelbuono@cnglocal.com.