Lights! Camera! Inaction!

Lights! Camera! Inaction!
The Brooklyn Paper / Tom Callan

Man, what a disappointment. Star-gazers turned out in droves on Tuesday night, hoping to catch a glimpse of Will Smith destroying evil vampires, but all they (OK, I mean I) got was bright lights in their eyes and noisy helicopters in their ears.

“I thought there were going to be some explosions,” said one man who had staked out a spot on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade after hearing about the widely publicized filming of Smith’s new flick, “I am Legend.”

Nighttime shooting in the East River and near the Brooklyn Bridge will continue for the rest of the month — but don’t expect much.

Except for a bank of lights on the Fulton Ferry Landing — and that helicopter noise — all the excitement, such as it is, will be on the Manhattan side of the bridge.

If anything, we’ll get the traffic. Before Tuesday’s shoot, cops said that no roadways will be affected by the fortnight of filming, but other city officials said that motorists should anticipate — and not contribute to — rubbernecking delays.

In the end, though, “traffic was fine,” said Robert Perris, district manager of Community Board 2. “I crossed the bridge around 10 pm, and I couldn’t see anything that was happening on the river.”

And we were so optimistic, after the NYPD put out one of its rare, and cryptic, press releases on Monday afternoon that said, “The public should not be alarmed by activity … in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. A movie being made in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge will employ flood lighting, Army and Coast Guard helicopters, mock police and military vehicles, and over 1,000 extras for an evacuation scene.”

Don’t be alarmed? That’s when I knew we should be alarmed!

Alas, there wasn’t much to see. The lighting equipment was impressive (have I mentioned the noise from those Blackhawk helicopters?), but the former Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was confined to a barge in the middle of the river.

Other action — a mock evacuation of a post-apocalyptic Manhattan — was taking place on the Manhattan side of the waterway, near Dover Street.

This two-minute scene in the movie, a barely fictionalized account of a man who must save the world from marauding creatures of the night, will cost approximately $30 million.

Judging from the dailies, it was hardly worth it.

The Kitchen Sink

Our very own Rep. Ed Towns (D–Brooklyn Heights) has snagged the chairmanship of the House Government Management, Organization, and Procurement sub-committee! Sure, it may sound incredibly boring, but now Towns can hold hearings on Bush administration contracts with Halliburton and Bechtel. Give ’em hell, Ed! …

The posh office ghetto Bruce Ratner built could lose a big-time tenant, says Assemblywoman Joan Millman (D–Carroll Gardens). The worried state official is pushing Keyspan to keep its headquarters in Brooklyn, despite its merger with the British giant, National Grid. The Brooklyn-born company has promised to stay, but Millman would prefer something, how you say?, in writing! …

DUMBO real estate is still booming. Three connected vacant buildings on Old Fulton Street (between Water and Front streets) are for sale by Massey Knakal for $7.5 million. Shall we start the bidding at $10 million? …

A memorial for Brooklyn Heights art legend Carol Hamann Howard — who was best known for her colorful paintings of the Brooklyn Bridge — will take place on Feb. 4 at the Grace Episcopal Church in Brooklyn Heights. She lived in the Heights from 1959 until 2005. …

State Sen. Marty Connor has thrown his combover into the ring for State Comptroller. Won’t Ken Diamondstone — who spent $100,000 of his own money in a failed effort to beat Connor last year — be tickled if Connor gets it?