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Man, did the Emmys bite the big one • Brooklyn Paper

Man, did the Emmys bite the big one

The greatest thing about hitting my middle years is that I no longer feel compelled to like something merely for the fact of being liked (and I also don’t mind wearing stripped pants with a polka dot shirt to go grocery shopping, but that’s another column). Anyway, here it goes.

Let’s cut to the chase, this year’s Emmy show was, in all candor, a big steaming bowl of unfunny crapola.

To borrow the immortal words of the late David Niven in “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies,” “I shall yell tripe whenever tripe is served!”

I’m yelling tripe.

The writing was not innovative, clever, or funny.

The opening skit was not funny. I don’t enjoy watching a naked Lena Dunham on a toilet bowl eating cake. Nor do I enjoy watching Jimmy Kimmel get his face punched in, even if, as in this case, he certainly deserved it.

The presenters were not funny.

Jimmy Kimmel was not funny.

The mock tribute to a not-so-dead Jimmy Kimmel was also not funny.

Do you see a Jimmy Kimmel is not funny trend here or what?

And most assuredly and without a shadow of a doubt, OMG, Tracy Morgan pretending to be in a coma and then dragged off, was certainly not funny.

However all is not totally bleak. There were some highlights. So without further ado, here is my top ten list of the highs to be grateful for:

10) Acceptance speeches were kept to a minimum. Yakkers were cut off when they took too long to say “Thanks for the statue.”

9) The shots of the losers desperately trying to look happy were kept to a minimum.

8) Kevin Costner won and didn’t talk about Whitney Houston. A major achievement unto itself.

7) Lindsay Lohan was not on the show.

6) Amanda Bynes was not on the show.

5) Not one presenter or announcer said baby-bump throughout the entire production, even though one was pregnant.

4) Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day had his melt-down on another show.

3) Red carpet couture was blingy and beautiful.

2) Michael J. Fox had the only funny line.

1) Hopefully Kimmel will not host next year.

Not for Nuthin, but Jimmy should really stick to Late Night. He’s not funny there either, but I’m never up at that hour, so it doesn’t matter to me.

Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues — and television — every Wednesday on BrooklynDaily.com..

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