Mother’s Day Massacre! Milk Believe slays two top-tier teams

Mother’s Day Massacre! Milk Believe slays two top-tier teams
Photo by Stefano Giovannini

Call them the Dream Team!

The former college athletes who made Milk Believe a rookie sensation stymied two more top teams on Sunday at McCarren Park’s Red Monster field, claiming a share of first place in the Brooklyn Kickball League’s standings.

The dairy daredevils solved the Mathletes, 5–1, thanks to Alex “Luna” Diego’s three RBIs (runs booted in). Later in the day, the club overruled People’s Court, 3–2, on Sarah “Excellence” Par’s late-inning single.

The undefeated team previously dispatched the John Cougar Mellencamps on opening weekend — navigating a tough early-season schedule perfectly.

“It’s great that we are off to a fast start, we just have to build upon it,” said an uncharacteristically humble Mike “Baby Jesus” Scott, who is kicking above .700 for the year. “We still make rookie mistakes that we have to fix, but all the girls are playing great, Priest [“Good Religion” Fontaine] is amazing at third base, and we just like having fun.”

Not everyone is enjoying themselves.

People’s Court issued an order of contempt against Milk Believe for allegedly changing the roster during the game. League rules stipulate that four female players must kick within a team’s first 10 trips to the plate — a rule that People’s Court captain Jeremy “Judge” Medanich claims his rivals violated.

“They whined and cheated their way to victory,” he griped. “This is disheartening considering the number of veterans on the team who are all very familiar with the rules. What makes the People’s Court different from most teams is our integrity and our ability to keep things light even under the heaviest of circumstances.”

League Commissioner Kevin Dailey said that he does not insist teams exchange rosters during regular season games, adding that People’s Court “should not complain after the fact.”

“If you expect shenanigans, then ask to see roster before the game,” he said.

Earlier in the day, People’s Court grounded the Space Cadets, 2–1, while the Mathletes snagged a 5–2-victory over the New Frontiersmen, who were missed heavy kickers Mike “Director” Altman, Jelmer “Dutch Courage” Steenhuis, and Jess “Stone’s Throw” Seibert.

Milk Believe isn’t the league’s only undefeated team.

Longtime short-wearers Salute Your Jorts has vaulted to the top of the standings behind a solid 5–1 win over the Newtown Creeps and a defensive 1–1 struggle against the plaid-clad Frontiersmen. The team led 1–0 into the fifth, but a bobble at first base allowed the Frontiersmen to score the equalizer.

Dailey credited the team’s focus on defense and third baseman Chad “Skorts” Fondiller.

“For a little guy who can’t play basketball to save his life, he’s got a hell of an arm,” said Dailey. “He’s very impressive. And the Jorts don’t make a lot of stupid mistakes.”

In other games, Hot Mess disbanded the Pirates, the John Cougar Mellencamps rocketed over the Space Cadets in a game ended with the mercy rule, and edged past Booze on First to earn a 2–2 record. Booze stuffed rookie team Rikickulous, 4–2, who beat another new team, Last Licks, 5–2.

Reach reporter Aaron Short at [email protected] or by calling (718) 260-2547.