In a wonderful departure from their usual
repertoire, the Gallery Players will present an original musical
revue based on the world of "fears, cheers and tears"
we call Broadway.
"Don’t Call Us (or Don’t Give Up Your Day Job)" is
directed by Mark Harborth – who has directed "Noises Off,"
"Animal Fair" and "Angels in America" for
the Players – and features an ensemble of 15 men and women who
sing and dance to the tunes, if not always the same words, of
some of Broadway’s most enduring hits.
The songs in "Don’t Call Us" are hilarious remakes
of the originals – tweaked to fit the theme of the show. Thus,
"Make ’Em Laugh" becomes "Kill a Show," and
"Tea for Two" becomes "Two Loving Stars."
Some songs can easily be understood in a new context – "Will
He Like Me," "I Believe in You," "What Did
I Have That I Don’t Have."
A few songs have been given totally new meanings like "Audition,"
sung to the tune of "Maria" from "West Side Story."
But because Broadway is so fond of singing about itself, many
of the songs fit in perfectly with their original words, like
"Lullaby of Broadway" and "I Hope I Get It"
from "A Chorus Line."
"Don’t Call Us" has a plot, of sorts. Interspersed
with the song and dance are vignettes featuring three actors.
A young man who hasn’t quite made it keeps phoning his mother
for money (which he gets) and encouragement (which he doesn’t
get). An aspiring actress who’s just come to New York where she
shares an apartment with two other aspiring actresses (Eve and
Charity) records her experiences in her diary. A seasoned veteran
who has seen it all and done it all hopes fervently for the comeback
that will allow her to see it all and do it all again.
A critic appears periodically with lines like, "The play
had two strikes against it. One was that you couldn’t hear half
of it. The other was the half you could hear." It was true
and tasteless enough to make any reviewer cringe.
The revue gleefully illustrates the horrors of auditions, the
perfidy of agents, the pettiness of actors and the rudeness of
audiences. One particularly memorable scene is "Major General
Hospital," a medley of songs executed in the style of Gilbert
and Sullivan and performed as a soap opera. "Tradition"
is not about a milkman in Russia, but the kinds of people who
cause disturbances in the audience – the Yacker, the Snacker
and the Noisemaker.
"Child Actors," sung to the tune of "Hello, Dolly,"
compares children on the stage to leprosy, and "Tech,"
describes the 76 light crews.
"Who can I turn to when no one will cue me?" warbles
one actor.
"I’ll learn my lines tomorrow," sings another.
"Don’t Cry to Me, I’m Your Agent," trills still another.
This reviewer’s personal favorite was "To dream the impossible
dream/To understudy a star/To pray, someday if you’re lucky/The
bitch will get hit by a car," sung by a bitter but hopeful
understudy.
One of the most delightful aspects of watching "Don’t Call
Us" is trying to remember the original words to familiar
tunes, and then figure out what show they came from. At one point
this reviewer muttered to herself "Gigi" only to hear
her neighbor gently correcting her with the whispered words "Pajama
Game."
Surely, anyone who has ever been intoxicated by the smell of
greasepaint and the roar of the crowd will find himself laughing
and crying during this production. But whether you’ve tripped
the lights, tripped over the lights or taken a trip into Manhattan
to see the lights, you’ll find this show a refreshing and rewarding
experience.
Very few shows write their own reviews. But when the critic,
in reviewing the show within the show, "The Broadway Review
of 2003," says, "I couldn’t have enjoyed it more,"
he certainly spoke for this reviewer, too.
The Gallery Players production of "Don’t
Call Us" runs through Feb. 2, Thursday through Saturday
at 8 pm, and Sunday at 3 pm. Tickets are $15, $12 seniors and
children under 12. The theater is located at 199 14th St. at
Fourth Avenue in Park Slope. For reservations, call (718) 595-0547.
