No buffalos were harmed

No buffalos were harmed
The Brooklyn Paper / John N. Barclay

Beware of splinters — these ‘wings’ are served on sticks!

In an event that can only be called revolutionary, once timid, tree-hugging, animal-loving vegans are being invited to take off their gloves (organic cotton, of course) and get up to their elbows in spicy wings just like those thug-like omnivores.

Foodswings, a vegan fast-food joint in Williamsburg, will be starting a fun, cruelty-free tradition when they hold the first ever “Vegan Buffalo Wing Eating Contest” on Wednesday, Jan. 16.

Contestants, herbivore and omnivore alike, have registered to battle for prizes including cash, T-shirts, tattoo gift cards and of course, ultimate bragging rights in the soy flesh eating community. Bikers, hipsters, musicians and artists are just some of the people stretching their stomachs for the big day.

The rules are simple: 10 pre-registered contestants will have 15 minutes to devour as many fiery hot veggie wings as they can. Anyone who vomits is disqualified.

Contestants have to eat the wings to the “bone” (or more literally, to the wooden stick), with only water available to put out the hot sauce-induced flames. (The showdown is sponsored by Frank’s Red Hot Sauce.)

Buffalo wings are the most popular item on the menu at Foodswings. Concocted of texturized soy (i.e. the fruit of the soybean with a texture approximating chicken) imported from China, they were created by owner-chef Freedom Tripodi. They are amazingly accurate imitations of their poultry counterparts, which is surprising as Tripodi himself admits, he hasn’t tasted a real chicken wing in over 20 years.

His wings are considerably bigger than traditional Buffalo wings; Tripodi, hardly a small man at 5-feet, 10-inches tall and weighing in at 188 pounds, told GO Brooklyn that he has never eaten more than five of them in one sitting. He plans on starting the contestants — none of whom are pro eaters — out with 10 each, and said he’d be “really impressed” if anyone topped 20.

Registration for the event was closed a half an hour after it opened — even with a $20 entry fee — but the public is invited to view the display of masticating prowess. Viewers in the first few rows should consider wearing their ponchos.

The “Vegan Buffalo Wing Eating Contest” kicks off at 6 pm on Jan. 16 at Foodswings (295 Grand St., between Roebling and Havemeyer streets, in Williamsburg). For more information, call (718) 388-1919 or visit www.foodswings.net.