Everyone know that we love our bike lanes, but even we got a laugh out of Borough President Markowitz’s holiday card lampooning the Department of Transportation’s cycle craze. But we can’t let the Beep get the last word on showtune editorials, so in the spirit of Markowitz’s card, The Brooklyn Paper editorial board offers its own holiday song parody, titled, “Brooklyn News” (to the tune of “Jingle Bells”):
Printing Brooklyn news
Always makes us glad
So let’s lift up our booze
And put down that iPad.
It’s time to celebrate
And put ourselves at peace
With stories that were great
(Except those murdered geese!)
Chorus: Oh, Brooklyn news, Brooklyn news
What a year it was
Oh what fun it is to write
The stories with the buzz.
Remember Harold Ford
The guy from Tennessee?
Would-be senate lord
Sat on Vito’s knee.
Didn’t join the fun
Would have gotten trounced.
And Vito’s on the run
Feds looking to pounce.
Chorus
On Election Day
Bay Ridge lost its Dem.
McMahon got voters’ “Nay!”
Grimm will service them.
He’s with the GOP
Will vote for Boehner soon
Supports the Tea Party
“Palin ’12!” he’ll croon.
Chorus
New Rail Road design
Was widely called a hit
But front was not benign
Bollards look like s—
Nearby Ratner builds
His new home for the Nets
He installs the gild
Yet team plays like the Mets.
Chorus
Feds want clean canals:
Gowanus, Newtown Creek
They have their rationales
But we will miss the reek!
Bizarre stuff all year long
In once-great Prospect Park
Trash where it don’t belong
Feds killed geese in the dark!
Chorus
It sounded like a spoof
When Bloomy OK’d bees
Raise them on the roof
And sell their sticky cheese.
On the waterfront
The park piers are open
Children play, we grunt,
“The rest will happen — when?”
Chorus
Tish James made the front page
When she bumped her leg
Sued a man with rage
Man, she laid an egg.
Turns out the car was parked.
And Tish herself at fault.
“Tish-grace” the papers barked.
And we said, “Oy-gevalt!”
Final chorus: Oh, Brooklyn news, Brooklyn news
Times good and also bleak.
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