Yo ho ho — and a bottle of runs!
The Pirates battened down its hatches and sailed through kickball play on Sunday, matching cannon fire with the John Cougar Mellencamps, 2-2, before plundering a strong Diddy’s White Party, 5-1.
The team has spent must of the past three seasons in Davy Jones’s Locker in the Brooklyn Kickball standings — but came together behind Pirate Capt. Lance “I Have a Permit for This Sword” Jackson, who led the team to an unforgettable blockbuster performance on his 33rd birthday.
The Mellencamps first beat up the veteran SugarTits! team, 10–0 and quickly jumped ahead of the Pirates with a 2–0 lead after two innings.
But the Pirates rallied, putting a runner on first in the bottom of the fifth. With two outs, Wendy “Hammer Toe” Estefez punched a slow-rolling single, but infielder Zach “Build It and He Will Come” Kinsella overthrew second base.
Left fielder Mike “Baby Jesus” Scott grabbed the overthrow and tried to tag out Estefez — but the ball scooted threw her legs and allowed her to score the tying run.
“It was a sobering gift for Lance’s birthday,” said Scott. “Definitely, it’s good for myself to be humbled and I look forward to playing the Mathletes, who are the league’s ‘best team.’ ”
But Commissioner Kevin “Commish” Dailey thinks that the Mellencamps are one of the league’s elite teams and they had an off night.
“I think the JCMs didn’t take it seriously,” said Dailey. “The Pirates, I can never take too seriously.”
It wasn’t the only low-scoring game with a wild finish.
In one of the last games of the night, Hot Mess struggled to put points on the board against the Kickables, until the bottom of the fifth when Mike “Pied” Piper kicked a base bit and moved to third.
With only one out, a kicked ball fell just fair — though in the confusion, Piper hesitated and was thrown out at home to finish he game.
Hot Mess captain Randall “Tricky Dick” Mixon, who was Piper’s third-base coach, blamed himself for the loss.
“This was the tale of both perfect and horrendous base coaching — Piper pretty much made every run possible when he coaches first,” said Mixon “I, on the other hand, single-handedly lost the first game for us by not knowing how many outs we had.”
In other games, the New Frontiersmen, Zeus’ Beard and Booze on First swept their games, while Hot Mess, People’s Court and Dolls Kicking Balls earned a split.
The Frontiersmen slammed Ramrod and dismissed People’s Court, 5-3, while Dolls Kicking Balls quieted Livin’ on a Prayer 4-2, but lost to the Victorious Vices, 4-3.
Brooklyn Kickball at Gilroy Field in McCarren Park (Bedford Avenue at N. 13th Street in Greenpoint), Sundays, 5–11 pm.