So who are the ‘Action Philosphers’?

Just who are the Action Philosophers of “Action Philosophers!”? Here’s a quick primer (with a superhero spin, of course):

Plato: Student of Socrates who spent his days smashing the shadows of our perceived reality so he could find (and beat up) the forms that projected those shadows. Was sold into slavery after calling King Dionyius a tyrant — then went on to create the first college in the western world.

Bodhidharma: Kung Fu master who invented Zen Buddhism in the sixth century. Believed that one could gain inner peace through wall gazing and pondering riddles with no answers, such as “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

Karl Marx: A thinking man’s Rambo. The son of a lawyer who sparked revolutions with his writings on class struggles and his belief that, “What the bourgeoisie produces above all is its own grave-diggers.” Founder of Marxism and socialism.

Rene Descartes: Considered the father of modern philosophy who literally didn’t believe his eyes — or anything else that couldn’t be proven by ironclad reason. Doubted that he actually existed, but died of pneumonia anyway while tutoring the Queen of Sweden.

Friedrich Neitzsche: The original “Übermensch” (or Superman)! Believed that the strongest always ruled by might alone and that the weak invented God so the strong would have someone to bow down to. He then claimed that God was dead as the strong started believing in His existence again. Was mostly ignored by Europe’s intellectual community when he died from syphilis he contracted from a prostitute in 1900. So much for the strong surviving!

Ayn Rand: The 1950s novelist who wrote “The Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged” is considered the Wonder Woman of modern philosophy. Believed individual rights trumped the rights of both one’s society and religion, and she championed laissez-faire capitalism because it protected individual rights above everything else. Was hated by conservatives and liberals with equal measure.

— Thomas Tracy