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Stan ain’t buyin’ what Jeb’s sellin’

Many years ago, I was taught how to sell by the best and most successful salesman in the business. I vividly recall him telling me to “boost the merits of the products you are selling but never knock the competition.” He told me, “You’ll never know the future, and someday, you may be forced to sell the competitive product.”

Take that same rule of selling, and apply it to politics. I just saw a television commercial for Jeb Bush. In it — instead of vilifying the dishonesty and deceit of Hillary — the good guvna’ spent his time and money blasting his fellow Republicans. Without realizing it, he used his efforts and energies to write Mrs. Clinton’s campaign speeches.

No matter who gets the Grand Old Party’s nomination, all she has to do is repeat the negativism spewed by Jeb. Then she could follow it up with, “I didn’t say that. It was said by his fellow Republican, Jeb Bush.” Hey fellows. You are handing her the presidency. Shame on you.

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Another great line from 2015: No! You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You do need a parachute to sky dive twice.

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Also in my notes from 2015, the most bizarre story of the year is about Rachel Dolezal. You may not remember her name, but I am sure you remember the lie. Rachel is the 38-year-old, white woman who passed herself off as black. She was so convincing that she served as president of the Spokane, WA, chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People for 10 years. Her secret was exposed when a local TV station investigated the racial hate mail she claimed she received. That’s when her parents came forward with photos of their blue-eyed, freckle-faced daughter and revealed that Rachel was, in fact, Caucasian. I am looking at a list of several reasons that folks are giving for her living the tall tale, but none of them make sense. Perhaps one of you can come up with a better bubba meintse.

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In his speech on Sunday, Dec. 6, President Obama said, “We’re with Turkey to seal its border…” Stop! Stop! Mr. President, how about working with the United States to seal our borders?

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And the most ridiculous, time-consuming debate of the year dealt with the color and design of the coffee cups Starbucks used at holiday time. Do you really care what the cups looked like? More than anything, I am concerned with the taste. Besides being overpriced, in my opinion, Starbucks is overcooked, burnt, and a somewhat bitter. Give me a McDonald’s or a Dunkin’ Donuts cuppa Joe anytime. And who really cares what color cup it comes in?

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From my notes of 2015 the following is a short list of some of the more famous folks who left us last year and their ages when they passed: Cynthia Robinson, 71; Jackie Collins, 77; Yvonne Craig, 78; Bob Simon, 73; Wes Craven, 76; Ben E. King, 76; Percy Sledge, 74; Melissa Matheson, 65; and Lesley Gore, 68. The thing that frightens me most is that half of them are younger than me.

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Right now, I want to shout out a great big “Thank you” to all of my readers. Without you, I’m not here. For many years I have been wishing everyone a happy, healthy, and safe whatever. Recently, some of you pointed out to me that, for the very first time, you understand why safe has been added to my good wishes. Carol and I wish everyone a happy, healthy, prosperous and safe 2016.

Read Stan Gershbein’s column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.

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