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A bit of this and a bit of that

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I just composed what I thought was a mega-magnificient column consisting of my thoughts about the problems in Baltimore.

As I usually do, I reread it thoroughly to check for spelling and grammatical errors. That’s when I asked myself, what is in here that has not already been written in thousands of newspapers and articles on the Internet? I could not come up with a satisfactory response.

That’s when I hit the delete button on this machine and started over. Right now I am humming “A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That” from “Fiddler on the Roof”. As I have done a few times in the past quarter of a century, today’s column will be “A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That.”

• • •

A police officer using his service revolver took out the two heavily armed ISIS terrorists at the Muhammad cartoon contest in Texas. In recent days, meshuganah Michael Moore, along with several others, have been shouting “disarm the police.” If I were a cop and I was forced to hand in my gun, I would hand in my shield at the same time.

• • •

Let me correct this common error right now: United Nations Ambassador Susan Rice is not related to former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Condi’s cousin is Civil Rights Attorney Constance “Connie” Rice.

• • •

“Obama will not rest until the next round of golf!” I wish I said it first. And another that I wish I said first: “Real heroes don’t wear capes. They wear dog tags.” Then there’s the comedian who whispered of the Texas shooting, “My favorite drawings were the two chalk lines out front.”

• • •

How will Cuba pay back Americans who owned property in Havana that was seized during the Communist revolution? Mr. Kerry, are there any plans or negotiations on this matter, or are Americans supposed to just forget about it?

• • •

Funnyman Stan Freberg passed away recently. I will always remember his advertisement for Sunsweet Pitted Prunes: “Today the pits. Tomorrow the wrinkles.” How many of you remember his Chun King Chow Mein commercial?

• • •

According to the most recent Washington Post-ABC News Poll, 35 percent of America is opposed to same-sex marriage. A whopping 61 percent now supports allowing gays and lesbians to marry. Me? I really don’t care if two people with the same genitalia commit to love, honor and cherish each other until death do them part. A great big mazel tov!

• • •

What item on the McDonald’s menu has the most calories? Most of the people I asked said the Big Mac. Wrong!

The Big Mac is only 560 calories. There are several items in the 600-plus category, but the winner is — drum roll please — the Big Breakfast with Hotcakes, which weighs in at 1,090 calories — and that’s without the syrup and margarine.

Turn over the paper advertisement on the serving tray, take a good look at the Nutrition Facts, and there’s a possibility that you might want to alter your preferences at the Golden Arches.

• • •

Kasich and Rubio, not a bad combination. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net, thinking that 67 electoral votes is a good start.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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