My daughter’s whole life I thought I wanted her to become an independent, confident, adventurous woman, and said so, but now, at 20-years-old, I’m ready to tell her, “Never mind. Just kidding. I take it all back.”
I find myself wishing she were a reticent, demure, boring homebody.
She and a friend plan to travel for two weeks after finishing a long summer internship. Their budget is limited, so they focused on off-the-beaten-track places. I’m not talking about Idaho or Nebraska, rather, far away destinations like New Zealand and Turkey. After some thought, they settled on Romania and Bulgaria, two countries I know virtually nothing about.
I did a little research and, in fairness, the cautions for travellers are common — pickpockets, fake taxis that overcharge, the risks of taking drinks from strangers, all issues my kid needs to be conscious of everywhere. My ignorance, though, fuels my fears, as does the sense that she will be really far away and on her own.
I’ve always encouraged her to try new things, engage with the world, get out there and go places, but her itinerary makes me nervous and, for the first time, wanting to talk her out of an adventure. Now that she’s become the person I hoped she would be, I have to live with the consequences — and I don’t like them.
The problem with telling my kids to take risks is that they do. What happens if something goes wrong? If she were in a car accident here, I would feel awful but I would know something about the medical care she would receive and I could get to her quickly. Abroad, in the same situation, I’d have no way to gauge the assistance she receives, possibly be unable to communicate with anyone attending to her, and not even be able to reach her in short order.
Do I really want her to stay home and spend her life within my comfort zone? Should I tell her what places she can visit or live because they make me feel at ease?
Of course not.
I really do want her to see the world, try new things, meet people even knowing that not all her experiences will be positive. Travel has risks like having a wallet or passport stolen, missing a train and sleeping on a station floor, losing luggage. There are a thousand things that can happen, but even if I went with her, I can’t stop them from happening.
It was easier to hold onto my values when my girls were little because things were just simpler. Now I have to remember what’s important in the face of my uncertainty. I guess I do have to tell her, “Never mind. Just kidding. Have a great trip, see beautiful things, and accumulate experiences you will have the rest of your life.”
