The failure of a Staten Island grand jury to indict a white police officer in the death of the unarmed black man, Eric Garner, on top of the shootings of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Tamir Rice in Cleveland, and Akai Gurley here in Brooklyn, have flooded the media with critical looks at the state of race relations in America and the many subtle and blatant ways prejudice impacts people’s lives every day.
It makes me wonder if I’ve raised racist kids without realizing it.
I want to believe this isn’t possible simply by bringing them up in Brooklyn where every day they rub elbows with kids and adults of all races, religions, and backgrounds. The world my girls navigate is filled with such a variety of people, it is hard to imagine them singling out any group from the human mosaic around them.
To be fair, though, identity politics come up at our dinner table. I encourage my daughters to identify as Jews. We talk about anti-Semitism here and around the world, and different movements in the Jewish world. I’ve dragged them to services and sent them to religious school.
We also talk economic issues and labor politics. I share my strong pro-union bias, and we ponder class issues, talking about who has what and why in this economically segregated city.
Having only daughters, though, sexism and the sexual politics facing them in the world comes up most. With a mother who has been very successful in a male dominated profession, and a dad who has been the primary parent, both my girls are subjected to conversations about gender stereotypes, glass ceilings, questions about whether they’re called on equally in math and science classes, and how they see women treated differently in stores, restaurants, and elsewhere. Together we talk about “pro-life,” anti-birth control, and the many other faces of sexism in the world around them.
We’ve gone to political events, Jewish events, women’s events, but never a “white event.” Does that mean they haven’t been exposed to or taught racism?
If I’m honest and really understand what protesters here and around the country say, I have to admit my teenagers are exposed to, and as white kids, benefit from the racism all around. They are treated differently in stores and restaurants, they don’t fear police or those in authority, and they walk into every situation expecting to be treated fairly.
The signals of class and race are everywhere, from who drives the cabs, runs the dry cleaners, and takes their order at the coffee shop, to who their classmates are.
I want to fall back on the age-old line, “some of my best friends are…” but the reality is that no matter who my friends are, my children gain from the color of their skin and the opportunities money has provided.
My goal, then, is to make sure they understand and see this, that they are able to consider not just what they’ve received, but what others have been denied. If blindness is the problem, then seeing the world and the experience of others must be the answer, and this I can offer as a parent.
