I have always told my daughters to call upon the police when they need help and to speak to officers with respect, but now that my girls are older, they can understand additional guidelines to follow when interacting with the police:
• Don’t piss off an officer; the officer has all the power.
• Don’t do anything to frighten an officer because the officer has a gun and you don’t.
• Never assume the police see a situation the same way you do.
• An officer depends on controlling a situation for everyone’s safety; so don’t make the officer feel like he’s losing control.
• If you are ever in custody, don’t say more than you absolutely must until you call me and you have a lawyer present to protect you.
• Your important goal is to manage the situation, so keep your mouth shut, be polite, don’t argue, and do what you’re told.
I’ve tried to coach my daughters on approaching the police much like teachers or employers, that it is important to understand the dynamics of a situation, who has the power, what perspective each person brings to the table and what you are trying to accomplish.
What gives the police so much power in every situation, and what makes me try to teach my girls so much caution, is that it seems New York’s Finest, and police in many other cities, shield each other from the consequences of any questionable act or wrong decision made.
The cops who stop by our local pizza place, standing around eating their slices, chatting to the guys who have been serving pies to my kids their whole lives, in those moments the officers feel like part of our community. If a situation got out of hand and one of them acted out of line, I question whether she would be held accountable.
I think this is what Mayor DeBlasio was trying to tell his son — not to say all police officers are bad or do bad things, but that there is a right way to handle yourself when dealing with police and a wrong way. One will, hopefully, keep you safe, and the other may not turn out so well.
I have tremendous respect and give thanks everyday for the thousands wearing blue who serve the city with honor and diligence, but I also harbor no illusion that if one of my daughters, white girls with no record, got into some mix-up with some cops, it could turn out badly for her. If an officer acted inappropriately, I believe there would be little recourse for my daughter and no support from any other officer.
Until every officer acts as if their honor and pride in their job depends on the honesty and integrity of every other man and woman on the force, until they act as if my children, and every other teenager in the city, must be treated fairly, safely, and reasonably in every interaction, I will sadly continue to teach my girls caution whenever they come into contact with the NYPD.
