Thirst is everything

Windsor Terrace resident and author of “The Zombie Combat Manual” Roger Ma is celebrating the release of his new how-to “The Vampire Combat Manual,” which is hitting shelves on Oct. 2. As a service to our readership, and mankind in general, the BrooklynDaily.com sat down with the expert on all things unholy to bring awareness to the ever-present vampire menace, and provide tips on how best to defend yourself, and your tasty blood.

Colin Mixson: Are there any particular spots in Brooklyn that vampires frequent?

Roger Ma: In Brooklyn, you have to think subterranean. Even in daylight hours, if they’re insulated from sunlight, that’s where they’ll congregate. So, even during the day you have to be wary. Also, they tend to congregate in large metropolitan centers, because that’s where there’s food. Every major metropolitan area is just a feeding frenzy. When you look at crime, muggings, and assaults, those are attributed to regular criminal activity, but who’s to say those attacks weren’t foiled vampire assaults. Especially if someone who’s inebriated said they were attacked by a vampire, they’re not going to be taken seriously.

CM: How powerful are vampires? Do we even stand a chance, vampire manual, or no, when fighting a blood sucker?

RM: People, because of the media, have this perception that a vampire is completely superhuman; that they can fly, transform into animals, turn into mist, and my theory is that these myths have been perpetuated by vampires to make themselves seem more fearsome. Most vampires have great strength, dexterity, hearing, and eyesight, but only about double to triple that of a human. So, if you can bench 100, if you became a vampire you could bench 300 pounds. This makes them powerful, but not invincible.

CM: Have you ever had to put your knowledge into practice? Have you fought any vampires recently?

RM: No, fortunately. When I was writing the book, I would go on a number of late night runs after sunset, which is the big hunting time for vampires. Right after sunset is when they catch the going-home-from-work crowd, and then, later on, they get the entertainment crowd, people coming home from clubs. But, so far, I’ve been lucky.

CM: How did you research this book? Did you have to seek out arcane libraries and forgotten tombs, or does your knowledge of vampires come from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” re-runs?

RM: A lot of it was historical research. Vampires have a history throughout many different cultures, and across continents. People’s experiences of these creatures come in various forms across the world, but there are also consistencies. I have tried to avoid anything that’s been done in the later part of the 20th century, thinking its not very accurate, and has probably been manipulated by vampires themselves. They’ve tried to make themselves seem more powerful and, more insidiously, to seem attractive. What was once shunned now seems attractive to most humans.

CM: Wow, I didn’t realize vampires have their own PR guys. I need to get a number for their press office. Are there any notable vampires in Brooklyn? Any chance that any prominent Brooklyn politicians take late-night hemoglobin snacks?

RM: If there are, I’m not saying, because I don’t want to spread any false rumors there. It’s bad enough I have this book out, I’m probably a target already.

CM: Fair enough, Roger, this is probably a good time to end our discussion. In concern for your health, we don’t want to give you too much publicity.

RM: Same to you. Thanks.

“The Vampire Combat Manual” available at the Bookmark Shoppe. Mention this Q and A, and the kinds folks there will give you a 10% discount on the book. [8415 Third Avenue between 84th and 85th streets in Bay Ridge, (718) 833–5115, www.bookmarkshoppe.com] Oct. 2. $15.

Reach reporter Colin MIxson at cmixson@cnglocal.com or by calling (718) 260-4514.

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