The choice is yours America: The $400 haircut of Democrat John Edwards (pictured, left) or the $15 haircut of Weirdo Gersh Kuntzman (pictured, right).
Before you answer, consider the sage words that a crotchedy old barber in Bay Ridge once told me: “Son, the only difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is three days.”
Which brings me back to Edwards.
The Democratic presidential candidate added a second difference between a good haircut and a bad one amid revelations that he paid a hair stylist $400 to make him look pretty — oh, so pretty — on the campaign trail.
Far more than three days have passed since the news broke — and Edwards’s haircut still looks bad. It’s tough to be a man of the people when you’ve just spent more than the cost of 250 Bud tallboys on your hair.
Not that I’m in any position to lecture a man who may be the future president, but I’ve never spent more than $10 on a haircut — and look how good I look!
All seriousness aside, given Edwards’s predicament, when I needed a trim this week, I headed straight for the Clinton Street Barber Shop, a new place in Brooklyn Heights with a sandwichboard outside screaming, “Haircut: $10!”
Sold.
“Gimme the $10 special,” I told the barber, Robert Isakov. “And make me look like John Edwards.”
Isakov started in and we chatted about the hair removal business. He couldn’t speculate about Edwards’s hair — “I never know if it’s thick or thin unless I actually touch it,” he said — but he could speculate on the man’s priorities.
“No one should ever spend more than $15 on a haircut,” said Isakov, who has been barbering for 21 years — five in his native Uzbekistan and the rest over here. “I used to work in a fancy shop on Montague Street. Eighty-five dollars for men and $115 for women. For what? It’s the same haircut that I give!”
I put myself in Isakov’s hands and let him do his work (I had little choice because he took my glasses off and put them out of reach). He did lots of buzzing with the electric shaver, some snipping with a scissor and even shaved the back of my neck with a straight razor.
At the same time, his female assistant kept complimenting me on my good looks (though I am fairly certain, given my lack of good looks, that this service is included in the cost of the haircut and not an actual objective statement on my appearance).
Finally, Isakov was done and I looked like a million bucks — for just 10. I told him he made me look presidential for a fraction of what Edwards paid.
“I’m glad you like it,” Isakov said. “That’ll be $15.”
But what about the sign outside that said $10, I asked.
“Look at the small print,” he said. “It says, ‘Senior citizens only.’ Everyone else is $15.”
Fifteen dollars for a haircut! I paid it, of course, but had a nagging feeling the rest of the day. I mean, if the media finds out about my $15 haircut, my presidential aspirations are sunk for good.
