Call the waaaaaambulance! It’s a whine attack

Isn’t it amazing how the children of the rich and famous feel compelled to write tell-all tomes about how horrible their parents were, after they sucked all the money out of them for years. The latest tattler is Alexis Stewart — daughter of über-homemaker Martha Stewart — in her revealing book, “Whateverland: Learning to Live Here,” coming out Oct. 18.

Alexis complains about having to repeat a chore if she didn’t do it right the first time, how she had to wrap her own presents and how embarrassed she was when Martha went potty with the door open.

How horrible, what pain, what degradation, Alexis grew up with a terrible mother.

Puleeze give me a break. Quick, let’s call the waaaaambulance ’cause Alexis is having a whine attack.

I have watched Alexis and her friend Jennifer in their show, “Whatever,” and I don’t recall Alexis ever telling Jennifer that she told her mom “Martha I don’t want to be associated with you, I don’t want to have the same last name as you, I don’t want to be involved in your business, and I certainly don’t want to accept anything from you at all. No help, no money, no nothing.”

No. Why would she bite the hand that fed her all these years, when she can just nip away at it and still reap the benefits.

I know a lot of people don’t like Martha Stewart. She’s pompous, comes across as a real KIA, (husband Bob speak for “Know It All”) and sometimes, I’ll admit, that I’ve wanted to smack the smugness right off of Martha’s face. However, I don’t think she deserves a tell-all book from her only child. I don’t think she was a horrible parent. She didn’t abandon her child on a doorstop, leave poor little Alexis out in the cold and not provide for her. Like all parents, Martha did the best she could with what she had.

Alexis seems well educated, was able to competently take care of mom’s business when Martha was in the can for five months, and even had a popular radio and TV talk show of her own. In fact, Alexis has done so well that she is economically flush enough to afford a surrogate mother have her child and economically solvent enough to provide for that child in a very comfortable lifestyle.

In fact, thanks to Martha’s parenting skills, Alexis isn’t facing any economic hardships like other single parents have. Alexis will never have to choose between a job and her child; Alexis will never have to say to her child, “No Jude, mommy just doesn’t have the money this week.” Alexis won’t ever worry about paying for a doctor’s visit or paying rent.

The true test of how bad a parent is, is how well the offspring parents. Alexis now has a little girl of her own. We’ll just have to wait 20 or 30 years to see what Jude writes.

Not for Nothin, but Alexis should be writing a hand engraved “thank you” note to Martha instead of writing a knife-in-Martha’s-back book.

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