You’ve heard of road rage. Now there’s “Mommy Rage” and there’s no shortage of it in Park Slope.
Last week there was the mom who threw a can of beans at the back window of a car because the driver cut her off when she was pushing her toddler across the street.
Such an incident would have gone unnoticed in most neighborhoods — or made it into the Police Blotter — but in Park Slope, where every casual eye is actually a microscope on the minutia of everyday life, the bean-can toss was quickly posted all over the Park Slope Parents Web site:
“I saw one woman struggling across the street with multiple bags of groceries hanging off her kid’s stroller; when she got cut off, TWICE, she reached into her grocery bags and hauled out a can of beans, which she threw at the rear window of the second car, cracking it clear across.”
And then, the kicker: “Several witnesses clapped and cheered,” the posting ended.
Smartmom was disgusted. Sure city traffic can be a pain in the neck. But come on. That guy didn’t deserve to have a can of beans thrown at his car. And the fact that bystanders clapped and cheered just proves that Park Slope is one crazy daisy place.
Another kind of “Mommy Rage” was also exhibited this week by Amy Sohn, the former sex columnist for New York magazine, who has switched from writing about on-line porn, girl crushes, and fake orgasms to stories about life with a toddler in our little borough of heaven.
And what a surprise: The shrunken, Grinch-like heart that formed the core of Sohn’s life as a single woman has not grown even one size as she has morphed into motherhood.
Sure, most mothers have better things to do than watch “Boobas” videos with their kids or read “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” for the umpteenth time.
Like Sohn, yes, Smartmom found it exceedingly boring to be home with the 1-year-old Oh So Feisty One. Whenever she tried to use her computer, OSFO turned it off (clever girl, that OSFO).
When she tried to read “Everything is Illuminated” (by the greatest author of his generation, Jonathan Safran Foer) or another work of literary fiction alone in her bedroom, tiny OSFO would crawl in and insist on “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” (which is good, but not Foer-esque).
OSFO wouldn’t even let Smartmom go to the bathroom without toddling in and pulling all the toilet paper onto the floor. That’s why Smartmom escaped to her writer’s group on Tuesday nights, her therapist on Wednesday afternoons and Manifesto Mamas, her radical mommy support group one Thursday a month. Moms need breaks. No crime there.
But that wouldn’t do it for Sohn, who has bigger fish to fry than organic tater tots for her little dumpling. There are books, screenplays and columns to write. The woman is so frustrated about having to take time away from her work that she ranted about Park Slope’s Stay-at-Home-Moms (SAHM) on her blog (her blog! Clearly, she has time for what’s important!):
“Here in my neighborhood, Park Slope, I am constantly encountering insane stay-at-home moms. And I have come to the all-too-un-PC conclusion that stay-at-home motherhood, despite the way our culture lionizes it, is bad for the child and bad for the mom. And bad for society. It’s just plain bad.”
Sohn goes on to say that most of the SAHMs she knows are really miserable in a “neurotic, soul crippling, Zoloft-inducing, Yellow Wallpaper-type way.” (How did Sohn know about Smartmom’s wallpaper?)
Why is Amy Sohn so nasty towards motherhood? Just because she (and Smartmom and probably many others) doesn’t thrive on SAHM-dom, doesn’t mean she should put down all those SAHMs, who are working hard and trying their best.
Smartmom’s friend, Mrs. Kravitz, gave up a career as a graphic designer to stay home with two kids. But Mrs. Kravitz, not Amy Sohn, put her finger on the real problem with SAHM-dom: “By staying at home we permit our husbands to perpetuate the long hours that drives so many of us out of professional work in the first place.” Maybe Mrs. Kravitz should have a column somewhere.
Sohn’s nastiness went further: “SAHMs have no opinions anymore and spend their time talking about poop and pancakes with kale and Veggie Bootie and natural Cheerios versus regular ones.”
Smartmom understands the sentiment, but wishes to point out that no one chooses poop over Proust. And she’ll offer a piece of advice to the obviously overwhelmed Sohn: Children take up so much time and energy — but only for a while. And if you’re going to enjoy the ride, it actually helps to take the kid to sing-along at the Tea Lounge or sit with the other mommies at the Third Street Playground talking about poop instead of trying to “have it all” (wasn’t that the knock on career women?).
Most shockingly Sohn recommends that college-educated women outsource their childcare:
“Childcare should be the province of immigrant women trying to get a leg up. I do not believe it is ‘better for the child’ to be with his mother. I believe it is better for the child to have a mother with some modicum of a life — whether it’s volunteering, graduate degree, or part-time work.”
If you ask Smartmom, that kind of classist, racist, elitist and just downright hostile comment is in the category of throwing a can of beans at a car window. Sohn has jumped into the deep end without a floatie.
So what is Amy Sohn’s problem? “Mommy Rage,” pure and simple.
Sohn — like the bean-can hurler — is mad as hell because her life isn’t the way she wants it to be. The Bean Thrower wants all traffic to stop just because she’s pushing a stroller. Sohn wants to have a child and a fabulous career.
As Smartmom (and that Mick guy) always says, you can’t always get what you want.
If Amy Sohn doesn’t want to give up her “life” and her ambitions for her kid, that’s fine. But why take out her aggressions on the mothers who either enjoy staying home or can’t afford to go back to work?
Look, Smartmom’s not immune to “Mommy Rage.” Being a mom does cut into the time Smartmom should be using to find an agent, finish her novel, and make enough money to buy a big house in … Bed Stuy. Sometimes, she screams at her kids and Hepcat. Often she takes it out on herself.
But she never throws cans of beans. That’s where she draws the line.
