The latest installment of reality TV to hit MTV is the “Jersey Shore.” This un-funny, un-entertaining, but very addicting program follows the exploits of a group of Guidos and Guidettes through their daily grind of working at a T-shirt stand and passing away the balmy summer nights visiting the bars along the Jersey beach front. They all cohabit in a beach bungalow decorated in 70’s “shanty-style” complete with a ‘Jacooozi.’
The girls areAngelina “Jolie”;Jenni “J-Woww”;Nicole “Snookie” (of sucker punch in the face fame);and Sammy “Sweetheart.”
The four guys are Mike “The Situation”; DJ Pauly D (the über gelled hair); Ronnie; and Vinnie.
The eight roomies are all in their 20’s - all buff, tanned and beautiful.
My daughter tells me that at least one has graduated from college - which one - which college - what the degree - she didn’t know, but among these eight brain trusts is a college graduate. That has to be the scariest part of the scenario.
The show, so far, has been an insult to Italians, Staten Islanders, The Bronx, Rhode Island and Twenty-Somethings everywhere as well as anyone who has ever spoken the English language.
After being tied down and forced to watch it, a la Clockwork Orange, for an hour, my brain began to leak through my ears and I couldn’t put together a correct sentence. I was splitting infinitives; dangling participles and forgetting tenses left and right. After Mike the “Situation” explained to us that DJ Pauly D had “fleed” away, I could take no more.
It was time to shut off the show and ban it from ever being viewed in the house again.
Regrettably, Bri has developed an “addiction” to the series and enjoys watching the show in its many re-runs over and over and over again. She has even started watching it in, gasp, the living room on the big TV - the better to view it in all its great gelled glory and already has plans to preview the new season opener on New Year’s eve along with friends she has invited over for the occasion.
Not for nuthin’, but if her diabolical plan is successful, I may have to fleed the house myself.
Wishing all a Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, and a Peaceful Kwanzaa - JDelBuono@