Life as I know it is ending. Not tomorrow, but that’s how it feels as my youngest child starts her senior year of high school next week. Though her graduation may be months away, the end of her childhood looms in front of me, and with it a long and cherished phase of being a dad.
Most striking about this situation is the rarity of seeing an ending coming. Through my daughters’ lives, it is only after something finishes that I look back and can say: that was her last stroller ride, the last ride on my shoulders, the last diaper or nap.
This time, it’s there in front of me and I wonder what I should do with this information. Perhaps plan weekly events, sneak notes into her backpack, put a calendar up in the kitchen, and count down the days until she finishes high school.
Graduation is only one major milestone ahead of her this year. My baby will turn 18, get her driver’s license, and hopefully she’ll get into college. To me, her next year seems monumental, but in her life, every year brings new watersheds, new experiences and skills. High school is just one more chapter in her education and, in many ways, she’s already focused on the next one.
The changes I’m looking at are really mine. Soon there will be no kids at home, no volleyball or softball games to go to, no one to wait up for and argue with about curfew. I’m looking forward to being able to go to a movie on a whim and not spending mornings chasing a sleepy teenager out of the house, but mostly it feels like I’m heading into the great unknown.
I’ve invested myself fully in being a parent for 20 years, focusing most of my time and energy on my kids, and soon it will be time to get a new job, so to speak. I will always be a dad and look forward to my changing relationships with my daughters, but I don’t want to slip into being an over-involved helicopter parent simply because I can’t find anything else to do with my time.
Really, then, it’s my graduation I’m anticipating — moving on to a new time in life when I have no children living at home. Perhaps I could go back to school or take on a more demanding job, get another dog, or host raucous poker games that stretch late into the night.
My task for these next months is to prepare for the inevitable, making a plan for myself without getting sappy and sentimental every time my daughter enters the room. Hello future, here I come.
This year, though, I don’t want to lose sight of my current responsibility, the one I enjoy so much in spite of the headaches it brings: helping, supporting, and encouraging my girl as she gets through this big year.
College visits, driving practice, and curfews are all on the schedule — but a few little notes might find their way into her backpack during the next 287 days until graduation.
