Former Brooklyn Paper reporter Noah Hurowitz, a self-described “local idiot,” has pledged to tattoo the distinct visage of storied Streetsblog reporter Dave Colon onto his own body as part of a stunt to raise funds for homeless New Yorkers.
“I feel nary a drop of regret,” Hurowitz said when reached for comment. “Dave Colon is the heart of this city.”
The exercise in altruistic idiocy began when Hurowitz, whose name graced the pages of this very newspaper in 2015, began contemplating a New York-themed tattoo that he planned to add to his flesh canvas once New York State’s ban on non-essential businesses is lifted.
When fellow journalist Rebecca Fishbein began contemplating a similar tattooed tribute to Gotham City, she suggested a series of iconic New York symbols, including a bagel, a pigeon, and of course, the exemplary face of Dave Colon — who hates cars and loves Citi Bike.
That’s when Hurowitz penned the tweet that would seal his fate.
“I will 100 percent get a tattoo of Dave’s face if other people pay for it, this is not a joke,” he wrote on April 9.
i will 100% get a tattoo of dave's face on me if other ppl pay for it this is not a joke https://t.co/9AMHXtaokb
— Noah Hurowitz (@NoahHurowitz) April 9, 2020
Within hours, bike advocates, excited Twitter creatures, and diehard Colon fans had set up a GoFundMe page, where hundreds of dollars started pouring in towards their projected goal of $500.
Yet, as the funds began perplexingly piling in, the duo of cycling stooges decided that the money would best be used toward a more worthy cause — as if etching Colon’s unearthly likeness onto one’s own body is not the most philanthropic goal fathomable.
“Raising $500 in the middle of a pandemic when everyone’s hurting… that’s not a great look,” Hurowitz said.
Hurowitz and Colon settled on donating the funds to the Homeless Can’t Stay Home campaign, which aims to provide homeless individuals with shelter in hotel rooms, rather than in shelters — which have become hotbeds for the disease.
With just under 100,000 hotel rooms sitting empty across the city, officials have only started moving people out of shelters and into the vacant rooms last week, one month into the pandemic — marking a dangerously slow reaction to the pandemic, according to Hurowitz.
“It’s unconscionable that the city has moved so slowly in putting people up in these hotels,” he said. “This is a crisis, the government is there to respond to crises.”
The duo will donate all of the proceeds to the cause, on top of $250 chipped in by Colon himself, and an additional $250 chipped in by an anonymous donor — bringing the total donation to over $1,000.
Hurowitz will now cover the cost of the tattoo himself, which he is considering placing on his calf.
“If I’m running away from someone all they will see is Dave’s face laughing at them,” he said.
It’s currently unclear which photo of Colon that Hurowitz will use as a model for the tattoo, but this reporter believes strong consideration should be given to his Lin Manuel Miranda-esque yearbook photo.
Friend just sent me a picture from my college yearbook, which shows I had no idea what to do with my hair back then except put in a bandana pic.twitter.com/VdJLNYZKJE
— Good Idea Dave (@DaveCoIon) April 12, 2020