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Sad day for single freaks • Brooklyn Paper

Sad day for single freaks

The Brooklyn Papers / Greg Mango

Hate to break
the news to you, Rubber Girl, Insectavora, Helen Melon and Kerosene Queen,
but the cliche is finally true: the good ones are all gone.

Dick Zigun, the king of all the geeks, freaks and wonders of human curiosity
at Coney Island’s famous Circus Sideshow, is engaged to be married.

To a human being, no less!

But she’s a freak at heart. Zigun’s fiancee, Pat Mukuro, is
not only a Nigerian pop singer, but, if you believe the entirely untrustworthy
Zigun, she’s also an Urhobo princess.

“All that Josephine Baker was to Paris, Princess Pat will be to New
York,” Zigun said. “The world of the weird better watch out
for the John and Yoko of the 21st century.”

Zigun claims the pair met in 1997 at the Mermaid Parade. Years later,
she became renowned for her butchery of the national anthem.

“She didn’t really know the tune, and halfway through, she forgot
the words and it became a crazy a capella moment,” said Fred Kahl,
a.k.a. The Great Fredini, a longtime sideshow performer.

Mukuro returned to her native Africa to pursue her recording career, but
visa problems kept her from Zigun’s side (among other parts of his
body — ooof!).

The marriage is now scheduled for next week in Cyprus, chosen for obvious
reasons.

“When Zeus was killed, his genitals were thrown into the ocean and
they landed near Cyprus,” Zigun said. “And Aphrodite was born
out of the sea foam.”

Zigun said Mukuro will eventually assume her rightful place as a sideshow
star: “I’m thinking Madame Twisto for her.”