A mega beer hall rises in Greenpoint — plus the other food gossip

Williamsburg and Greenpoint hog the gossip limelight this week, what with monster bar openings, epic restaurant closings, massive Yelp smack downs, and the largest number of raucous drunks per capita.

Green caffeine: The Greenpointers have spotted a new place for residents to get a java fix: Upright Coffee on Manhattan Avenue. Although menu offerings include french press mocha and Sumatran espresso, the teeny joint is bound to win more hipster hearts with their thoughtfully curated collection of pinball games. Who needs coffee when you have “Attack from Mars!” to get the adrenaline pumping?

Hot ticket: Can’t take the wait at Park Slope’s al di la trattoria? Head around the corner to Carroll Street, and try your luck at al di la vino. The intimate offshoot is currently offering a $25 three-course market menu on Mondays through Wednesdays, and five-dollar wine pours. Just think, by the time you’ve finished your apple bread pudding, a table might actually have opened up next door. On second thought, you’re probably not getting into al di la vino either.

No more drama: A new chef is finally in place at Dean Street in Prospect Heights, after Nate Smith’s not-so-amicable departure from John Longo and Rob Gelardi’s new eatery where Tavern on Dean used to be. Michael Franzetti, whose resume includes top chef stints at Stuzzicheri, Lupa, Chestnut, and Palladin, is preparing to take the helm, according to Fork in the Road. Our editor ate there the other night and had a great salmon — but Franzetti’s menu was not in place yet.

Wheel estate: In the market for a food truck/restaurant/beer garden? Brownstoner noticed that a listing has gone up for Goods, the former mobile home-turned-burger shack on the corner of Lorimer and Metropolitan Streets in Williamsburg. Asking price? A cool $250,000. On the other hand, that’s probably cheaper than your average Williamsburg studio.

Look before you Yelp: Eater posted an amusing blow-by-blow conversation had on Yelp, in which “Joan C.” railed against the respected Greenpoint eatery Anella. Joan chided the restaurant for not holding a reserved table for seven (after the majority of her group failed to show up), adding that maybe the hostess “just needs to get laid.” The owner, Blair Papagni, responded with this pithy bon mot. “It seems best for all involved that you’ve sworn never to return.” You’ve been served!

Gros bierhalle: Nassau Avenue is about to get a 6,000-square-foot bar/restaurant called Spritzenhaus. Eater reports that the behemoth will have four beer stations offering 25 brews on tap, a 100-foot bar, an open kitchen, a wood-burning oven, and sidewalk seating.

Breaking up is hard to do: The venerable Chianti’s, an old-world Italian restaurant in the heart of Bay Ridge on 86th Street and Third Avenue, is not just closed for renovations, as posted signs would have you believe. A tipster tells us that it’s closed for good. Evidently, the landlord had raised rent prices drastically, and the owners were four months behind. Despite promising to give them time to get the money together, the landlord went ahead and sold their equipment out from under them. Talk about a messy divorce.

People pops: Neighborhood doggies will have to go elsewhere for their gourmet biscuits and puppy treats. According to Here’s Park Slope, Sky Ice, an old-timey looking scoop shop, is opening in the former Buttercups Paw-tisserie space on the corner of Fifth Avenue and St. Marks Street. Maybe they’ll consider offering pupsicles, too.